Wednesday, June 3, 2009

So incase you've missed it, here's an update of my health...


So last month I hadn’t been to the doctor in years, now I’ve got 4 doctors. I have a team of doctors just waiting to poke and prick and probe my every orifice.

SO, the Doc and I talked for about a hour and she felt around a bit on me and she’s come to some conclusions.

1. I’m now on Zoloft. Okay, I sort of expected this, we’ll see how I do.

2. I either have a bleeding ulcer or a GI bleed… which is kinda sorta serious.

3. I get to sample my own stool!

4. I get to partake in a colonoscopy, whilst under general anesthesia, which is scary.

Here are some PRO TIPS for everyone, feel free to pass along all this sageness to your friends.

1. Don’t take 12-15(sometimes I took more) excedrine for pain for 5 or 6 years. This will fuck up your stomach.

2. Don’t take 12-15 excedrine for pain for 5 or 6 years while being an alcoholic. This will fuck your stomach up.

3. Anxiety and smoking with caffine in addition to the previously mentioned PRO TIPS will fuck up your stomach.

Oh yeah, I also get to get full blood work done so that they can see what else is wrong with me besides the obvious.

Sooooo the rest of this day will be spent drinking caffine free rootbeer and watching A&E until Sunshine comes to visit me late tonight.


Should I get a Clean and Sober tattoo?
So I recorded a new song I wrote Monday.

If you please, you may listen to it here,
over at Tumblr

Here's the txt from the same linked post.

Okay, so I wrote this Monday night. Recording is getting easier, scratch tracks, guitars, vocals. 1.2.3. Again, no effects just me. Hope you like it.

I got off that cross town bus, like a hundred times before
didn’t mean to cause no fuss when I got to your door
as I told you all the things I’ve said ‘cept for this time they were in my head
and I tried to make you see what you’re lookin’ for is me.

On a ramble late one night girl you took me by surprise
on a ramble late one night as I looked into those eyes

and I saw reflected back at me just the kind of man I want to be
and I danced around inside my head at the thought of you and what you said
I can make a fresh new start with the help of you inside this heart

on a ramble late one night you took me by surprise




Here’s the story as I pictured it in my head;

so like this guy in head over heal for this girl and he has to tell her and he catches the bus over and goes to her door but she won’t let him in and he’s telling her, through the door

“I can think of a million reasons why we won’t work, but I can only think of a handful of reasons why we should work and those are the reasons why I need you, those are the things that matter…”

And as he’s telling her all this he starts to break down while thinking about all the good times that they’ve had and how he feels that he can make himself better, he can see his change in her.

And that’s how it ends. Does she open the door? I don’t know.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Late Night Interview With Keri from michael waskom on Vimeo.





Here's a video I made with Keri.
We talk about dogs, birthdays, friends, old mugs and me throwing bottles around.

Check it out. :)

Monday, May 25, 2009




Here's me covering The Ronettes, Be My Baby.

Enjoy it in all of its haggard glory, I did.

Saturday, May 23, 2009



I was visiting a lady and wrote this on a cup.

That is all.
Click here to listen to a song about Megan <3

Butter on a summer day
When she's around
I was on the tracks
When the gates came down
When suddenly I recognized
Those bloodshot rearview mirror eyes as mine

And I heard that whistle call my name
And I almost drove away
But Megan I had a feeling that you would be on that train
So I just waited there for you

Caught a ride to another town
Where the air was clean
And the sun never goes down
Everyone was standing in a line
Between the landing and the stairs

I heard somebody call my name
I almost climbed the stairs
But Megan I had a feeling that someday you'd meet me there
So I just waited there for you
Butter on a summer day
When I hear your name
It's a dream that never came true
So I sat down on the tracks
And waited for a train to take me back to you

And somebody came and took my hand
And I finally had to go
But Megan I just want you to know
That I waited as long as I could

I'm butter on a summer day when she's around

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

A woman at the grocery store asked how I was doing today. I replyed, "Super". Which is how I reply most of the time, and some of the time I mean it.


Today I meant it and she said it reminded her of her father, who used to say the same thing. I'd like to think that I'm an old soul, tarnished and tattered by what life has given me. Well, that's just super to me.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Tonight I went on another Naples Bike Mass ride. Last week the paper was there and I got interviewed and the story will be on the front page of the local section on Monday. Pretty cool.


I'm finally starting to feel that I have more friends, here in Naples besides Cassie, Melissa, Megan and PJ. It's been really hard on me here. Harder than I might let on. I'm meeting people and having a good time and feeling, I don't know like a part of things.

I always felt like an outsider, someone who couldn't fit in because of my mental problems, the paranoia and the panic attacks etc. So, we'll see, you know.

Cool night, ending with having beers in front of a gas station, reminded me of an old movie you know. This town's not as bad as I thought, and although it's hard to talk to people or even LOOK at people while talking I'm hoping to get a handle on this soon, because I don't want to end up a 30 year old recluse getting all my food and stuff delivered to my house. I mean christ, my windows are already covered in tin foil to keep the light/heat out.


We'll see what happens.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Here's a song I wrote tonight, about running away from life and moving 100 miles south to get away from shit and trying to turn it all around.

I'd appreciate it if you all watched it, kthanks.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Monday, March 30, 2009

I haven't really been eating regularly, and I'm taking a lot of advil and I still can't fall asleep and I feel like I want to throw up I just work myself up so much worrying, feeling ashamed for my actions and then in public I act flippant, like what I do has no consequence and I keep checking my email and writing in a secret blog really scary things and my hands shake and I drink lots of water and listen to all of the saddest songs trying to get through this and checking my email and refreshing everything trying to forge real human connections and failing and feeling that I did everything wrong and wanting to go back to that like saturday night over mexican food and thinking about saying everything differently, not saying different words but phrasing the words i did speak in another way so that i could be heard and understood more easily and if i could cry i would, because i want to but it's too hard to cry and even if i did i'd probably just get embarrassed by my crying because if anyone was looking through my window at me they'd know that i was forcing it, making it up, trying to cry to look cool or honest and i've never been able to say what i want, say what i mean to who i want to say it to because i'm such a coward because i'm so disconnected but all i really want is connection and i'm 100% certain that if i could i would give up all of my possession and all of my money and all of my knowledge for real human interaction on a intimate level not sexual but openness and honesty and a hug that means it and the smell of comfort and to feel like it's okay to be myself around people, especially older people, the ones in their 40's the parents of the people that I know but it's too hard I can't open up because i'm a contradiction and i'm not a liar i'm just a hider and i guess what i'm just wanting for is for someone to walk up to me and take me by the hand and lead me into the light where i can be cared for like nursed back to health and told that it's okay to be different and to feel this way that that in fact i'm not different everyone goes through this and a long time ago Tom, my friends dad told me to guard my heart because it's special but i didn't listen because i wanted to be open and i wanted to love freely and now he's there and i'm here and i can't be honest or show real emotion because even then i'd still feel ashamed that i have real emotions i'm ashamed to admit to people that i'm not as put together as i want to be, as i want you all to believe and how terribly paradoxical that is and i'm just waiting for the door to open and for the sunlight to come in and you'll walk in and put clothes on me and lead me out of shit that's all around me and you'll say that you don't judge me and that i am loved and then we'd go away and i'd forget all about this past but the scars would remind me of how it felt to be burned for the first time but they don't make me ugly no no they don't they make me beautiful and everyone will love me all the more so because of who i am, not less like i always thought even as a little kid laying there in the middle of the living room floor watching the sealing fan click or really late at night on a school night trying to sleep on the bathroom floor because they're in my room to take me away and i can't go back inside there until daylight and you might be the daylight and here i am my door is open and i'm here waiting, wasting away.

One word - Majestic.





It's Here!!!!!!!!!!




Breakfast with my only friends. Not pictured, Cassie, who although not included in the photo is equally important.



Fuck me, I feel like Doug Coughlin. Don't know who he is, google it.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Lance Armstrong has a son named Luke. According to his twitter his son has entered into a Pinewood derby, you know where fathers and sons, together build a wooden car to race down a track.

Lance refers to his son as "Lukestrong". Is it just me or would being like a 12 year old and having your official nickname named after one of the strongest and most recognizable brand in the world a HUGE psychological advantage?

How do those other poor kids cope with this?

"Oh greattttt, dad. The Armstrong's are here." Is probably what the other kids would say.

haha, I love over analyzing everything.

Here's a photo from Lance's twitpic

IMG00185-20090329-1509.jpg




In seven days these will be in my possession. I can't lie, I'm pretty excited.

Friday, March 27, 2009

I am now making a formal, albeit pathetic decision(via blog) to announce that after tonight, I am attempting to quit drinking alcohol.

I am an alcoholic and make poor decisions whilst drunk therefore making me fat and ashamed. This is straining the relationships that I currently have with friends and family and further jeopardizing future relationships with humans in the future.

I am afraid for my own safety at times fearing harm that I may cause myself or to others due to means that I wish not to post about.

I, at times am very strong, in some respects. I have given up a lot in my lifetime, alcohol unfortunately has a very strong grip on me.

I was sober once, for an extended period of time but it brought me to tears to give it up(picture Homer Simpson weeping over the fact that he's out of beer).

I do not expect this to be easy. As we all may know, I never make my own life easy, why would I? I revel in the struggle because I feel that in some sick way it adds meaning to life which probably has no real metaphysical meaning.

Further, I may end up being more reclusive as culture dictates that alcohol be involved in every aspect of social life.

There is so much that I want out of life and yes, most of these things are vain, self serving achievements or goals or objects and being a heavy drinker, although good at it does not factor into my vain goals of self image, status conquests or monetary acquirement.

I know, and truly believe that Messrs. Hemingway, Bukowski, Thompson are angered and saddened at my decision. And although I wish greatly to please these men I can not continue in my current lifestyle.

It's either quit this, or cease to exist, physically on this earth. Both options are viable and valid, but at this time, for now i choose to change. Or try to.


Thank you all for your concern, feigned or genuine, just the perception that someone cares means a lot to me, being as shallow as I am.
Hey guys, wanna see what my house looks like now that I cleaned it up today?


Neat thing happened, my friend Jeff has featured me on his youtube site, he gets a lot of hits and views so I'm stoked.

Thanks, Jeff!

http://www.youtube.com/user/jefftakeover
So I had the wildest dream that my friend Ricky Hayberg, who is quasi internet famous(he did merch and hung around with From First To Last for like the past 5 years), he does have like 88k friends on myspace haha. ANYWAYS

He and I moved to NYC(because I got a book deal and he was bored) but instead of like living there with me he spent all day everyday hang gliding, without ever coming down from the sky.

We also saw the city and like hung around and did normal things like grocery shopping etc.

Anyways, this just confirms that I'm moving, in the summer to Portland and nothing will stop me.

Here's a video I just recorded.







Let me know what you think.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

If you read this, leave a comment so that I feel better about myself and what i've just written, becuase you know, it's important to me. Kinda.

I don't know that I want to use blogger anymore. I prefer Tumblr. I find the user interface of blogger ridged and un-responsive and its lack of media capabilities is annoying too.

I only really keep it because it's like a time capsule of my life, I tend to only post seriously here, like I did last night. Tumblr is more of a flash, it's users post multiple times a day, and at times it's hard to keep up with the content of the people that you choose to follow. For example, just check out my tumblr HeyMikeWaskom. It's full of media, and random blurbs about such. I like that aspect.

A drawback to blogger is that I don't feel that people really read my posts here(due to lack of comments), that they realize that the content is always serious and soul searching, or at the least very honest and readers tend to skip over such content. We don't want to get too involved in the emotional development of those around us, because then it would force us to examine our own selves.

Of course there's the problem of wanting what basically equates to an emotional handjob when it comes to blogs. I want you to read my posts and to comment about how tragic I am and how you too, someone just like me identifies with my problems and how, eventually everything will be alright.

When in reality things don't work themselves out, rather bigger problems occur and the previous problems fade into the background of our consciousness and further become a hindrance to our emotional, spiritual and social development.

And that's where I am now. So, leave a comment with what YOU think about all this because I don't want the comments that are like, "ur so sad, i like u".

What i really want with these posts(what I hope I've been doing all along) is leaving the questions and queries open ended for discussion. I want you to discuss in the comments, I want to spark conversation(that of course centers around me).



Christ, this movie better be really good. I'm getting tickets asap and standing in line to see it opening night, I may even dress up... Just sayin'.
Ok, so just to be honest I want nothing more than for you to come over on like a Sunday afternoon and watch movies that meant a lot to me, with me. Movies like Newsies and Flight of the Navigator and we'd read books like Where The Sidewalk Ends and be all cute and I could hold your hand and like at the end of the night kiss you and you'd blush.

I mean, I don't think that things I want are out of my reach(maybe I just don't know the right path to take).

I get really bummed at times, but like at least twice a week you're in my dreams(always PG), and I can't get you out.

I feel really overwhelmed and can't breath sometimes.

Just sayin'.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Last post for tonight....

Anyone from Naples wanna go to Bradenton sometime soon so that I can get my cameras? I'll treat you really sweet and let you meet my grandparents if you drive me.

I've stopped taking their calls(all family), which is their cues to know that I'm depressed when I can't bring myself to talk to them, because I'm disappointed in myself.

I feel like such an asshole because I am an asshole.

Oh memory lane, why are you unpaved and filled with ruts from the rain?




She took this photo a year and 6 days ago,

I wore this shirt today. Interesting.

From NikonCamera

because it's late

and i'm sleeping weirder and weirder hours, went to bed at 930ish and woke up a bit after one.

48 hours without alcohol. I've got to be up at 5ish to go to the other coast.

My aversions to flickr has always been its mildly annoying user interface(on the client side), limited free storage capacity(google give me 1024MB FREE, flickr only 200 photos) but mainly is its association with YAHOO! which is really annoying since I'm a google guy.

Granted the Picasa site that google uses isn't the prettiest, but it makes sense and works really smoothly.


http://picasaweb.google.com/michael.waskom
http://www.flickr.com/photos/michaelwaskom/

Anyways, I don't know how or why I go off on these stupid rants. I guess it's because despite how I present myself, I think EVERYTHING through. I leave nothing to chance and I've always got a plan, concerning everything, it's a little sick but it's a control issue. I can't not have it, and hence, I think about everything in detail, which sometimes makes it hard to put down on "paper" because I don't know where I want to stop and start the information that I'm providing. Even now, I'm wondering if I'm saying too much, explaining my explaining.
ha.

Monday, March 23, 2009

stamps are expensive

I got some post cards, so yeah, if you don't live near me and want a postcard,
email
me your address.



Sunday, March 22, 2009

Maybe the world is blind
Or just a little unkind
Don't
know

Seems you can't be sure
Of anything anymore
Although

You may be
lonely and then
One day you're smiling again

Every time I turn around
I
see the girl who turns my world around
Standing there

Every time I turn
around
Her spirit's lifting me right off the ground
What's gonna be
Guess
we'll just wait and see

In my wildest dreams
I've never seen anything
Like
this

With some give and take
The moves we make
Can't miss

She's got her
own special way
Of magically making my day

Every time I turn around
I see
the girl who turns my world around
Standing there

Every time I turn
around
Her spirit's lifting me right off the ground
What's gonna be
Guess
we'll just wait...

...and see
Where it's leading me
Wherever I go
All I
know is...

Every time I turn around....

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Kristen and I bought this huge thing of vitamins last year... Well after the breakup I kept the jar. Now I take 2 a day to get rid of em.

Hope she's healthy.

Friday, March 20, 2009

I work with the most weak willed, spineless, pussyfooted men I have ever encountered. I'm flabbergasted, I really am, and I have never, never typed that word before. It's almost like I've been waiting my entire life to be as baffled as I am today.

I have no idea what's going on and I can't believe that this is my Reality.

Get me out of this city.

WORST SONG EVER

Thursday, March 19, 2009

What if I quit drinking and started smoking again?

I'm torn.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

So thanks to getting black out drunk by 10pm last night I had the most amazing dream, ever.

I was a baseball player from the Tampa Bay Rays and I was in the dugout and a fly ball comes near and I jump out of the dugout and run into the stands and catch it, before some dumb lady can catch it.

Then I'm at the plate and I'm kinda talking to the pitcher and I'm all like "why don't you pitch it underhand, you won't" and he does but I don't swing!

Then I'm still at bat and I ask him to autograph the ball that I caught so that I could give it to the lady who would have caught it, then he pitches me underhand again, and I swing, HOMERUN!

Then the garbage truck outside woke me up and I've basically been dealing with an awful hangover all day.

Oh, also I covered the walls in notebook paper and then drew all over em with crayons markers and charcoal. I filmed it.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

PPL over at FLfixed think that I'm funny. It's almost worth it. One day, one day, I'll have mine.

In case you didn't know, I post blogs like I'm actually talking to someone....

So yeah, I had a really hard day, for a lot of reasons, a few of which I'm contractually not allowed to talk about, and yes; I'm depressed about a couple of things, that I may or may not have the power to fix but fuck it.

I've been, well drunk since 7pm, and I don't know if I'll be sober tomorrow(morning) either.

I'm just so sick of being in control of my out of control life. You don't see it, well it' there.

I'm going to explode, and after I'm done, I won't be getting my security deposit back.

Monday, March 16, 2009

A kid in a fixed gear bicycle forum I'm a part of was bitching about a photo of a geared bike being posted in a thread called "bike porn", which is basically photos of really nice bikes.

here's the picture...



His comment;
"is that a derailleur i see?
get that shit out of here!"


My response, which I really like, for some reason, and I wanted to note it in the annals of my blogdom, or whatever- basically just to remind myself that, sure I'm witty.

Hey, all porn doesn't have to be simple and easy to manipulate(fixed gear). sometimes porn is complex and hard to understand, like a french girl who's a swinger who tell you that she wants you, now, but when you get back to her place her boyfriend is there waiting, naked, and you know, you've had some drinks and the camera's already rolling so you just figure, fuck it,(road bikes) at least you have a story to tell from your European trip beside being stuck in Dusseldorf and buying a coke a cola for 6 dollars...


I'm sober and really bored, go figure.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

It's crazy to think what the internet can do for you.
I remember like oh, 12 years ago when I first got the internet and it was kinda like a playground full of 5 year olds, everyone running around trying to do this and that and it was just a big bunch of chaotic mess.

Now, people can effectively market themselves as a brand, BASED ON THEIR PERSONALITY. Of course this has been done for years, but in the past you usually had to have done something first, like being a stand up comic who became known for one bit or character, or maybe a actress who happened to get crazy in public. They had a marketable image to sell AFTER obtaining some form of success.

Here we're seeing someone, who was completely unknown and became "famous" based on their personality through the internet. No prior fame or achievement required- the internet discovers the new talent.



ijustine really creeps me out, and I'm not joking. Her flashy/sexy smile, blond hair, Midwestern family values good looks, her hot body, her obsession with Apple Computers... It's all too much. In my reality, she doesn't make sense, her existence as a famous internet person who has found success based off of nothing makes no sense. Ha, anyways, moving on.

This is being done, obviously through myspace and blogs and youtube and now twitter. Last year when I signed up for twitter I was unsure, but watch this short video, you'll be sold...



Then I watched the promo video, and I was sold. The video people, Common Craft really did a great job and I wouldn't have signed up if not for the video. Also, I never imagined that people could become "famous" using it OR that established celebrities(or famous hasbens) would use it to broaden their fanbase and stay in touch with their fans. Of course this is exactly why it was designed, I just know that the folks who run twitter didn't expect it to blow up so big. I mean, the server used to go down all the time due to heavy use.

What am I trying to say? Well, obviously I'm bummed that I'm so short sighted and or boring, because I'm not internet famous, yet.(do i even wanna be?) And also, I'm also a bit scared, because I'm starting to believe that marketing people will one day run the world.
We're too connected in the fake world, and not close enough in the real world.

Oh well, Follow me @
Twitter
Myspace
Tumblr

Saturday, March 14, 2009

I found a bunch of her old mixes and I'm listening. Yeah, I'm listening and I feel like shit and I feel really good and I feel really numb and it's been a whole year since we got together and it's been so long and it's not enough time to feel what I felt and she's moved on and here I sit.

Her mix cd's are all I have left of her, I don't want anything else.

Supermarket



All of this fit into my new bag. Walking into the store I weighted 187lbs and leaving I weight, with the groceries 205lbs.

It feels good to be self reliant. I know I could be self reliant with a car, but it feels a lot better without one.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

I can't say that I feel pathetic, because I don't. But I do wonder if I'm judged because of my inaction. If, for some reason people think ill of me because if not taking action, when they know that I want to take action, but don't.

I present an air of indifference, where I can't be bothered by anything, when really everything gets under my skin, everything to me is personal, every issue is a sensitive one. To the point where I know that I should move out of florida, but wonder how I could ever truly function outside of the state that is florida.

I can't bring myself to leave the place where I did so little, and left so much undone.

I've been mulling over this idea in my mind, one of accepting the fact that I'm not a well adjusted person, I don't "Fit in". Facing the fact that all my idiosyncrasies are not cute, and not well received by those in my daily life. Thinking that, perhaps I am incapable of falling in love or making anyone happy, regardless of how badly I want to do both.

This is why to people like me(if for one instance I may lump myself into the realm of the "artist") the tragedy is so appealing. It's so simple and void of normalcy.

Dying young is so much easier than struggling to and becoming successful later in life.

Lazy, that's all it comes down to.

Of course I can't help but ALWAYS coming back to the fact that I don't have money, and if I did none of this would matter, in my mind money does solve everything, which is why the poor play the lottery, and the rich just lecture about frugality.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

This really bothers me...



For .71c I can buy two liters of Publix brand MT. Dew. It only takes 3.78 liters to make a gallon, so for 1.40 I can buy a gallon of soda.


Water is only about .30c cheaper than soda. For $1.43(pictured above) I can buy two liters of Mt. Dew. For $1.29 I can buy a 20oz bottle of Mt. Dew.

At sporting events across the country beer is almost always the same price if not cheaper than water.


What's the fucking point of trying to provide clean water for people in Africa and elsewhere through humanitarian causes when we could probably hand the whole thing over to private industry(Pepsi Co?) and do it cheaper AND more effectively using soda?


Think about that.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Something I figured I'd share...

So last night I got drunk and typed an email to a guy I used to go to church with. I'm having a problem dealing with my religious past, and there's a large history there which I don't care to get into now etc etc, but I wrote something that struck me and I'll share it now...


It's interesting to think that in the past 10 years I still believe in God(Jesus) but what I believe about him has changed and people I used to know still believe in God but they haven't changed as people, or haven't evolved as people one bit. They're still the same, as if they believed that God wanted them to be the same person always, not some dynamic and exciting creature.



Anyways, I'll probably always have a hard time with this, but I'm glad I got this email out of me and that it was well received by my friend.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

So! You guys have to read this and cmnt!!!

Ha, so yeah this girl from Naples found me on Tumblr (www.heymikewaskom.tumblr.com) and I read her posts, this one stands out...

Journal

I woke up sometime around ten, which is pretty late for me, and kind of just lounged around. Around 11:30 mom asked me if I wanted to go to Nordstrom which of course I did, so we got ready & went to Waterside & decided to get lunch at CPK. One of my favorite restaurants, I’ve been going since I was 4 and know most of the staff. Afterwards we went to Calypso and bought 2 shift dress, a brown cupcake dress, & a gold fluffy dress. We spent a good hour in the store talking to friends & I spent forever talking to Tristan, who is the cutest! Then we went to Cache and bought momsie 2 long sleeve sweater-shirts for our trip to CT. & Then we headed to MAC so mom could get her makeup done, it looked soooo nice, I’m glad we finally went seeing as how we’ve been talking about it for a couple months. We spent almost $200, which mom was like OMG but I was like “eh, it’s MAC.” We ran into Clare & Linda which was nice, I love running into people it always leads to fun memories like us prancing around the playground like the Spice Girls. We finally went to Nordstrom and I almost had a heart attack when I was in the purse section, Ughh I hate that I’m on purse probation and can’t buy anymore. Hopefully I’ll be off probation in New York. Momsie & I got home and watched part of kung Fu Panda with William and then we watched W. which is pretty good, it’s not my favorite but not terrible. I’m going to try to finish organizing my ITunes and collaging my wall. Calling Thalita this week, because I miss my little sis. Photo shoot later on in the week :)



OH MY GOD, read that, it's amazing. Like the life she leads. I took the liberty to bolden the most important parts of her post...

Are you fucking kidding me? This girls lives the life, and I bet, she bitches about all the bad things that happens to her, like, ONLY having 28 pairs of shoes(what about the other 3 days of the month?), having to wait in line behind a Chevy to pump her gas, having to pump her own gas, losing her lip gloss, the maid moving all her stuff, and a plethora of complaints that only one of her own kind can appreciate.

Oh well, and who am I kidding, I'll probably end up trying to date her. I mean, I did find her on facebook and add her....
Whew, what a day!

Work went alright, then on the way home I got a flat. :(

It was my first far from home flat, i was about 4 miles away from home, good thing I just yesterday bought a patch kit and mini pump.

So i take the wheel off and you know, patch the tube, and pump the tire back up and the pump works okay, nothing special, and then I get about 3 miles down and then the patch blows. Bummer.

So I hoof it home, about a mile and stop on the way to get some tall boys for my trouble.

Life could be worse.

Saturday, March 7, 2009




Went to get a coffee and read a bit.

Rode over to the LBS and shot the shit with the techs, they sold me on this new mini pump that weights like 7oz and pumps a tire in under a minute. Goodbye co2 cartridges.

Also got some real good info about a bike trailer, so yeah.


Then I rolled over to this skate shop called Street One, and met the owner and bullshitted with him for about a hour, he can order fixed gear stuff, so I think i'll have him order me some new bars and other odds and ends that are specialized to fixed wheel bicycles.


Shot over to the mall and picked up a new Tampa Bay Rays hat, becuase baseball rules.


Now I'm gonna tinker with my bike and just be lazy.


Good bike riddin' today, for sure.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Melissa getting tattooed

So around christmas time my neighbor got in a argument with his wife and he got slapped and then HE got arrested, and then minutes later un-arrested(this is true, i watched it happen and then he told me about it) is moving out apparently.

All the sudden there’s moving trucks and they’re really loading up.

There’s not ONE house hold on my side of the block(besides me) who has a steady income.


Where do people go when they just pick up and move?

I snapped some pictures through the mini blinds like a creep, but then decided against posting them because the quality was too low, I have standards you know.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009




So I read this blog called Boner Party, and it's about hot girls from a average guy's perspective...

Here's what he has to say;

i dont even have a caption. but women, whatever youre doing that isn’t like this, stop doing it, and do more of this.
serious Darkwing Duck boner because i want to saunter up to her with my scarf in my face and go “Lets. Get. Dangerous”. if she buys it, i’m the coolest guy in the world.


and;

but i guess i just really, really, really want drink a whole lot of cough syrup with her and spacefuck to Spacehog’s “In The Meantime”, because sometimes, when you have a 10 over, sometimes you just gotta Keep It Real. thats what 10’s like. Keeping It Real. they may say they want Tom Brady but in reality they want a Joe Namath who will get silly-drunk and walk around the living room in their girlfriends high heels pretending he’s a duck just for a laugh.

if you don’t Keep It Real, you are relegated to a lifetime of puppy-bumping assistant managers at Hot Topic. just sayin’. do you want the best girls ever? always Keep It Real. they will come a-flockin’.



I really love how this guy equates completing some action or saying the right words with winning over a female’s heart.

I mean, I bet the guy's decently attractive, but I bet her truly believes that he could get just about any girl because he's a decent guy and funny and has personality.

Anyways, call me crazy or stupid or whatever but for some reason this guy's blog always makes me feel better, because it's so true.
So a few things...

I've been commuting by bicycle for almost 4 weeks now, averaging about 100 miles a week.
Here's what I expected.

1. to be carved out of wood, immediately.
2.to feel stronger.
3.to have lost a lot of weight
4. to have a lot of money saved from not driving.

Here's what I've got.

1. I feel good, or more correctly, I feel better.(I also quit smoking over a month ago)
2. I don't feel stronger, but I do feel better.
3. I haven't really lost weight, although I feel better about myself.
4. I've got some cash.

So, I figure that I'll start to notice weight loss after the next month, since I really didn't change my diet at all.

I think that I'm probably losing 1/2 pound per week, maybe a bit more, but since my salt intake is so high, there's really no way to gauge it due to water weight although I am cutting back a great deal on how much salt I eat.

I assume that I'll start to feel stronger, like noticeably in the next few weeks too.

I'm glad that I did this in winter, I'd hate to start getting into shape mid-summer.

So far no major burdens with not owning a car, dog food may turn out to be a problem, but I think I'll be able to get around that.

Let's Keep It Up!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

What I miss most from real life now that I'm poor is snacks.




When I was a kid, we had enough snacks to last for months, there was always something laying around, waiting for you, for a time when you wanted... well to snack!

Now I eat 3 squares a day no more no less and it's hard having that kind of self control, not being able to eat whenever I want.

Of course I do drink beer whenever I want, but I want snacks too.

And I'm not poor, I make 13.50 A hour with no savings, so I guess I'm not "poor" but I'm not living it up either.

I'll know when I've reached that next level in income when I've got ho-ho's and fudge rounds and lil' bags of Doritos laying eveywhere.

Until then, I'll survive... maybe.
Last August one of my best pals Joe and his GF moved to Tempe, AZ and they were like, "come visit anytime and move out here asap." so I was like, you know whatever sure.


Little known fact, Kristen and I were suppose to move to Portland earlier this year. Obviously that didn't happen. Whatever. Saturday or so I got a email basically telling me that I had to move to Portland who Joe and Genvieve who are moving to pdx in August. I think ima do it.

I think I'll love it.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

For those of you who said it couldn't be done...

For those of you who have no faith...

I PRESENT TO YOU, PANCAKES IN A SQUEEZE CAN!!!






My life just got 100x better.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

I know my room is smelling like a dive bar, but theses songs I can't play anymore they hang over me like Damocles. Please come home tonight.
I'll tell you what's real, this lust in my heart and this bottle in my hand.

Friday, February 27, 2009

So I feel like shit.

Today a customer made a cashier cry. This is a cashier that I don't really care for, but when it's us against them(the customers) I'll always choose my co-workers any day.

This guy was really rude, and being verbally abusive, in front of me I heard him say "You be quiet" with a harsh tone.

The circumstances are vague, but they had a disagreement and he proceeded to be very mean, later telling me "yeah, I told her to 'be quiet' because she wouldn't stop rambling".

I told him, that I'd be happy to offer him his money back but that I felt that he was rude to my cashier and she didn't deserve that.

She's very upset because she feels that giving him free food validates his behavior, when all I wanted to do was to get him out of the store quickly.

When we finally involved the store manager the guy wanted MY full name and a business card, like I did something wrong. I'm not too worried, 9 times in 10 nothing comes of these things.

When did we get to the point that a customer can yell at an employee, make her cry, and feel like they're in the right? How am I a bad person for telling someone, honestly that they were rude and wrong?

I feel like I've failed this person, that I should have been there for her in a more effective way. I shouldn't have let her down.
A little while later I talked with her as she was crying and I almost started crying, I wanted to hug her, I just wanted to hold her hand because I felt so bad for her, but I couldn't do anything.

It's interesting how someone I don't even really like can pull such emotions out of me, human beings can be connected sometimes it just takes the right circumstances.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I'm drunk and wanting to talk about music...

And NO ONE commented on my previous post about my new book, so here's a ditty about old music... enjoy, assholes.





I can't tell you how many times I heard this album growing up. If I can give credit to my mother and step-father, it's the credit of introducing me to a lot of good music.

Classic rock, Stones, Journey, Boston, Zeppelin, Clapton(so much Clapton), not so much Pink Floyd, a LOT of The Allman Brothers, The Police, Sammy Hagar(pre and post VanHalen don't hate), CCR, a little Dylan, John Cougar Mellencamp, Tom Petty, The Band, Stevie Ray Vaughn.

I could go on and on.

See, I was raised on Rock and Roll. We didn't go to church when I was a kid. We turned on the radio on sunday mornings, and DIDN'T watch tv. It was every fucking sunday, without fail. Pancake breakfast, with OJ and Bacon, rock music.

I heard this Traveling Wilburys record when I was probably 8 or so. What I remember about it was that there was different singers singing throughout the album. Roy Orbison is fucking amazing. I read somewhere that when they were writing theses songs and didn't know who was going to sing the lead, they'd just give it to Roy, because he has such an amazing voice.

Roy Orbison was known for wearing sunglasses all the time too. Turns out, they were prescription, and he wore them partly because he has beady little eyes and used them effectively to hide behind. I always found that interesting.

The song "Congratulations" always struck me. Bob Dylan is great in this song. Something about such a big word in a pop song "Congratulations" really caught my ear.

Of course having George Harrison on anything is impressive. His career post-beatles is probably the most impressive to me, I mean, listen to "All Things Must Pass" a fucking TRIPLE album like six months after the Beatles break up, seriously, amazing!

I think that the Wilburys rival anything that McCartney and Wings did any day, of course George needed Orbison, Petty, and Dylan to do it.

Anyways, I could talk about music all day. Don't get me started on the Allmans or Van Halen...

You see, I was born, I was raised to have Rock and Roll in my blood, it's in my dna.

Why am I shitfaced, living in Naples in my shitty duplex then? I don't know. Do you know anyone who can type better than me after 7 beers?

Someone, validate me, or call me an asshole. Whatever.
First off, I don't like the new blogger layout. I don't want to see the followers I'm not following while visiting someone else's blog. It's stupid. I follow blogs through a really, you know efficient way, it's called Google Reader.

Moving on, new novel is going okay, I've got a semi clear vision for where I want it to go. I'm aiming at 2,000 words a day, if not more and to be done with it in a month.

I'm drinking Modelo especial, delicious.

I fucked up my fucking pc and it won't network with my Macbook and I'm really pissed.

Tonight I want drugs, but I have no connection here, so I'll have to settle for the brew. Coincidentally I'm watching the film bastardization of one of my favorite books, Less Than Zero.

I blew off laundry to drink beer and write, go figure.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

For Lent I'm giving up dignity.
Couldn't for the life of me find a shitty place to drink around my house so... I'm at the USS Nemo at the bar. I did find some empty places but I didn't wanna be forced to talk to a bartender so here I am.

I feel like a tool in here and I recognize a waitress who comes into whole foods.

I just want to drink whiskey at a place where you're unsure if the glass is clean or not.

Oh well.

So I guess I'm gonna write a new novel, I started in on it today and I'm not sure what to think. Below I'll post the first two pages. It'll work backwards from there, so the first chapter is the last thing that'll happen in the time line, I think? I'm not sure.

I just want some honest feed back about an afternoon's work. I'm not even sure I like this yet, I just know it feels good to type 10,000 words a day. So if you read this, drop a comment, or whatever.

“This is going to be hard to explain,” she said. As she moved across the room and turned down the radio, Elton John was singing, “Daniel, you’re a star”. It’s interesting because Ellis, who’s Christian name was Elizabeth who came to be called Ellis because of a lisp that she had as a child, she would say, Ellissabeth and it just stuck. It’s interesting because I don’t remember turning on the radio, I don’t remember even having a radio so when she turned it off and said “This is going to be hard to explain,” I was really startled.
She crossed back to my side of the room and sat on the arm of the couch and gave me a hard look, then a soft look. I tried to smile but she knows that when I fake a smile or try and smile even without really smiling I look funny, like someone who just put a slice of lemon in their mouth. Who begins a sentence with, “this is going to be hard to explain,” I was thinking, I mean you can or you cannot explain something. What’s hard to explain is why I own a radio with an antenna on it? I don’t remember turning it on, I do however remember hearing Elton come on and start with those words about this guy, Daniel who came back from the war and wanted things to be the same but instead they weren’t, so he flys to Spain to like, run away from all of his life, you know? I don’t think Ellis knows these stupid facts about one pop song from the 70’s but as I sit there on the couch and she’s there, on the arm of the couch with her tight black jeans and button up shirt her hair messy in her eyes, I just want to tell her about all of this but I know that she’s got this thing that she wants to explain to me, and I’ve got this radio that came from somewhere. I get up and walk into my kitchen and open the fridge and pull out a diet coke and pop the top and I smell the opening of the can, it’s an old habit but when I was a kid I used to think that some foods were poisoned and you could smell em.

I set the coke down and then pick it back up and walk over to the radio and turn it back up, because Spirit In The Sky had come on and I love that shuffle drumming but Ellis stood up as I turned back to the couch and she took off her jacket and as I was about to pass her she stopped me with her left hand from passing her by and going into the bedroom. She looked up at me and said, “Josh, I’m moving, I took a job and I’m moving...”
I walked back over to the radio and shut it off and put in up in a cupboard and leaned against the counter below the cupboard and took a log pull off of the coke and looked at her. “When did you decide this?” I asked. Ellis put her jacket back on and gave me another soft look and said “Yesterday, baby. Yesterday.”

And then I remembered where I got that radio from, a garage sale that I went to with Stephanie, my x-girlfriend, after we made love while Ellis was visiting her parents house on the other side of town and I was suppose to be at work. That’s where that damn radio came from.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I can't get over how much of a waste of time these classes are. Out of 40 people there are only maybe 6 real candidates for leadership.
One of the educators was asking which jobs were high turnover positions and a classmate actually said "what's a high turnover position". Not asking which positions had higher turnover but asking for a definition of the phrase.

YOU'RE IN A LEADERSHIP TRAINING PROGRAM are you serious ?

I honestly can't believe that some of these people who work on the east coast make 5 or so dollars more than me and don't have half the skill sets I have.

Haha oh well. At least I can get a good laugh in once a month.

I expected to at least be challenged by this, but its like a garbage man trying to perform brain surgery . Almost no one here is truly qualified to be here.

I'm disappointed.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Okay, so you ever get that drunk myspace message from people?
So, I got one, over on my bands myspace(myspace.com/ofempires) from this random kid, who I don't ever remember meeting. It goes to show, someone is always watching you, or in this case listening.

I don't know what to think, I'm totally taken aback and flattered...

what is up man. im from srq and i dunno if you remember me but i used to go to ur shows along tim ago when i was a freshie. ive been good friends with stu. but i remember going to an of empires show when they played with the perks and i know u used to work at apple bees with brad peel and mike whalen on university and date kim conrad she was one of my really good friends... and all i can say is you have influenced my music selection since i first heard you.....and i havent listened to you in a while but i just liwstened too your full playlist and it was stilll amzing. si this inst to kiss ass...your music is fucking amaizing waskom. take this as flattery and not me makin an ass of myself cuz im prettty drunk right now.
but you got"em all beat with that acoustic shit!



Does this mean that I really do have something with my music, or is there one deranged kid out there in Sarasota?
So, I'm averaging 14 miles a day on my bike. Today I did 17. The only downer is that every day I bike to work the wind is blowing from the north at 10-15mph and I average around 17 mph, so I'm having to push extra hard.

When you bike a lot, without a day off you never really feel fresh, you legs are always tired, although I suspect that this will eventually go away and I'll feel like motherfucking super man, carved out of wood, eventually.

I have to wake up at 4:45 tomorrow morning, not cool, I do NOT want to go to Ft. Lauderdale.

Tonight I got another pair of black jeans. I ALWAYS see the same kid working when I go and This is the 3rd time, he must think I'm insane.

At work I feel that a few people trying to get ahead(justified or not) has set everyone else back. There's no cohesion, and I feel like a few of us are trying to swim upstream, I feel like the past few days I've been slacking a little bit because of this, and that's a real bad excuse.

The gang vocals part in the new All-American Rejects song is so fucking good.

Time to read some, I'm in the middle of re-reading Women by Charles Bukowski, The Great Gatsby and Last Exit To Brooklyn by Hubert Selby Jr, if you haven't read this, you should check it out. Really excellent read.

What are you reading?

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Here's a long one...

So this probably isn't interesting to anyone, but it's been on my mind for a little while, to do a character sketch of some people that I see often, people that I would call friends. I bet you never thought I thought so much about you...

Figure out for yourself who's who.

You're a good boyfriend, who trust his girlfriend and is totally comfortable in his relationship, or you're a total fool. Either way, I'm jealous, you seem happy and that matters. I'm sure you have your problems but what's nice is that you seem to live in the moment and you're not worried about with is past or what will come. You're patient, and after some one gets to know you, you're warm, quite and controlled.

You're wild, uncontrolled, spontaneous and fun. You're good looking and people like you, they want to be around you. You're underestimated and smart. Good with your hands, can fix anything. You don't try very hard at life, but if you did you'd find you were very successful. You'll eventually knock some girl up and get married.

You're unhappy, but it's not life that's in your way, it's you. It's too easy to not do much, but at the same time you don't give a shit. You've got a great bf and I hope that you appreciate him for all that he is. Tomorrow you could be gone, moved away to another city and I wouldn't be surprised, because you're going to do something super cool with your life, you just don't know what that is right now.

You're really pretty, borderline really hot and that's all that most people see. But you're also gracious and graceful. I'm not sure anyone understands you because they don't ask, they're afraid to. One day you're going to shock everyone and say something or do something that no one expects, but you won't be surprised because you knew all along and everyone did you the injustice of selling you short, again and again.

You're the guy that every guy thinks they want to be friends with, you're guy who every guy thinks they want to be, but then after a while they find that being you is too hard. It's a burden. You're incredibly sensitive and caring and being those things is fucking hard, no one wants that, it's something you're born with. You've made some bad decisions, but they felt right in the beginning and now, after the River Card is dealt, you're ok with your hand. You're okay because you know it could be worse. You're just looking for someone to understand you, to connect with, but she's hard to find, because letting someone into your life who's emotionally transparent and okay with that is not a good idea. So until then you'll just be moderately sad and people will still admire you.

You were the ditz, but that's not accurate because you're a very committed person. You're up for anything. You'd probably drive to the moon to pick up a friend and then get drunk and fall over in a pile of your own piss and no one would think any less of you. In my opinion you make some bad decisions and let people take advantage but that's just who you are and eventually you'll find who's right for you and you'll see everything take shape, like a Dali painting coming to life taking shape and making its self right.

You're the wild girl, boys like you, but you like the wrong boys. I think you chase too many dreams at once, which spreads you thin, caught between the familiar and the unknown, unable to commit to either. I can't ever imagine you having a real job, or a real house or a real life. You are going to be what Cameron said Ferris Bueller was going to be, a Fry Cook on Venus. And you know what, I think that's fucking swell.

You're a princess, you always will be. You picked a shitty husband, he's a pussy and just as needy as you are. The difference is that you're really good at whatever it is that you do, you're skilled. It helps that you're pretty, but that doesn't define you. You're defined by your strength, your ability to adapt and your quick wit. You're the type of person everyone should be thankful to have in their lives.

You've been hurt, and although I have nothing to do with it, I feel guilty. I read the words he wrote about you and I get angry. Your problems in the past were not your fault, they were his. You need to know that there's a Balance. You're also hilarious, and I think it's hard for a woman to be truly funny without coming off sexual in her humor, but you do it. Being funny also requires being really smart, and You're as sharp as they come. You'll go on to do a lot of really cool things, and leave behind all the shit that brought you down in your past because you don't know it yet but you'll learn that who you are is a rare person who can deal with anything. Often times I try and put my two cents in, to interject and I realize that you don't need my help, and that impresses me. You have dignity that makes me feel ashamed of myself and although I'm sure you don't hear it, you're gorgeous.


These are the friends that I've made since I've moved to Naples. People who, for the most part grew up in this shit hole and have formed a eerie bond with one another. Like movies about prison, the main character always has a buddy and these people are that buddy for one another. I'm jealous, I'm humbled, I'm sad at that type of friendship, that I can only hope for.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Today at work I almost died. I was atop of a 25 foot ladder and a guy drove a palate into it knocking the ladder over, and I jumped down like fuckin' spiderman. EPIC.

Also, I did a lot of online shopping and I'm bored and I wanna go home. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get tattooed soon, pretttty stoked on that.

I plan on loosing 15 lbs in the month of March. I'll weight myself later to see exactly where I'm at. Get Buff 09'

Friday, February 20, 2009

if you watch jaws backwards...
...it's a movie about a shark throwing up people until they have to open a beach.


If you watch Heroes backwards you realize that it's been getting progressively better over time.


If you watch Friends backwards, Courtney Cox seems to get older somehow. I think it's the hair.


If you watch Rambo backwards, it's Sylvester Stallone healing people with his magical bullet vacuum.


If you watch Fight Club backwards, you see Ed Norton turn from a crazy streetperson into a successful productive member of society.


If you watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy backwards, it's a saga about a little guy who gets a cool ring from a volcano and spends the rest of the films walking home.


If you watch the 1997 version of Episode IV backwards, Greedo shoots first.

If you watch the entire series backwards, George Lucas develops into a brilliant writer.


If you watch American History X backwards, you see Ed Norton turn from a successful productive member of society into a crazy streetperson.


If you watch Benjamin Button backwards, some kid grows old and dies.

- By getting sucked into a vagina?
-- He went to heaven, obviously.


If you watch the credit crisis backwards, you'll notice that the banks eventually tell people they need good credit to mortgage a home.

- And if you watch American history backwards, people learn from their mistakes, and eventually respect the planet and get along with each other, living in peace.


If you make time goes backwards: a) Christmas is about some dick who comes down your chimney and steals all your presents, b) Hitler was the greatest guy in the world. He rescued millions of Jews from gas chambers..that he created. Actually this makes no sense.

- No, it works. Hitler rescues the Jews from the gas chambers then tears them down. Satisfied with his work he takes up painting.

- It's better than that. He dug up Jews from mass graves, put them to chambers where the magical gas put them back to life.

-- And let's not forget the trains. He shipped all of these Jews back to their homes. And all the germans fixed their windows by some sort of magical stone extraction process. These Germans wore T-shirts with: "I magically materialised whole planes of glass and all I got was this rock shoved into my hands.
"

If you watched Requiem For A Dream backwards you'd be able to sleep that night.


When you watch Requiem for a Dream backwards you realize how well heroine works to get your friend out of jail, makes your girlfriend quit prostitution, cures your mother, and grows your arm back, bringing an entire family together. That's powerful stuff.

- Plus, "ass-to-ass" backwards is still "ass-to-ass.
"
Woah, long day.

Up EARLY at like 6am, got some p-cakes and relaxed until the mall opened, where i got some new Vans, finally new shoes.

Then I shot home and grabbed a beer and hung around with my dog. Oh, went to Panera bread too.

One of my bosses called, and so I agreed to sell my truck to her husband, so now I'm car-less and I finally feel burden free. Without weight and free. It's fucking great.

So now this week I'm up like 17hunny and on a mad shopping spree.

Now, I'm drinking some more cold ones and listening to this amazing Dashboard Confessional mix I made on Grooveshark.

If you don't have Grooveshark let me explain it. It's basically a way better version of Pandora Radio, only without the corporate bullshit and a few less songs, but it's getting there. Oh and it's run by dudes in Gainesville, so check it out. www.Grooveshark.com

Oh yeah, I also got a hacked version of Mi***oft office suite for mac, and new head phones, and a wireless router.

Good times.

"truth is in a tall beer" - Dashboard Confessional, Drowning.



I couldn't think of anything funnier. I may audition for this.



I took myself out to breakfast, I also took an After picture but deleted to protect the rights of the innocent.

I hate the way old people talk to younger people in the service industry, they talk to us the same way they probably spoke to blacks in the deep south in the 50's, not cool.

Also, I watched an old man yell "shut up!" at a singing bird. Seriously?

I enjoy waking up early.

ima go buy some shoes now.

Thursday, February 19, 2009



My life, hmm, how can I explain this.

I always live in this anticipation and almost fear of intersecting lines. Fear is a wrong word, I'm not afraid, I just hate seeing it from afar and waiting for it to happen.

Where will two points converge on one another? They're going to cross, it's inevitable.

Cars will come upon me, and I am the lesser, the car will win the battle. I'll be walking, I walk very purposely and someone will get in my way. It'll happen.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that this is what I think about, these little insignificant things rule my mind, and I don't know if this makes me better for it, or worse.




Sometimes I'm physically clumsy, but my mind always sees the details.
i'm drunk and a big bottle of emotions and i can't focus on anything and i'm slipping in and out but i know i miss you, and wish you were here to tell me jokes, because you're really hilarious and i enjoy listening to you speak.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

are you fucking kidding me?

This quiz takes like 5 seconds and it's completely true, how is this possible?

you all should take it.

The quiz is the flash box on top

Name: Michael
Date: 2/18/2009
Colorgenics Number: 23146705

You work hard, seeking success. You are self-sufficient and in spite of all the trials and tribulations that have beset you in the past you carry on regardless.. You are one to be admired because you pursue your objectives single-mindedly and with initiative. You know that you can 'do it' and what is more, you will - without necessarily being dependent upon the goodwill of others.

You are willing to try anything once. You 'need to be needed' and what is perhaps more important you 'need to need.' You can only feel close to a person or persons when you feel you can trust them, but this trust needs to be proven to you.

The way things are at this time it is necessary to 'go slow'. All the pleasures that you have anticipated should be left in abeyance until some future date, but all is not lost, you are able to derive and achieve considerable gratification from someone quite close to you.

You are frustrated and stressed. You appreciate the finer things in life but at all times you appear to stay aloof, critical of everything and everyone about you. You will not be carried away by your emotions and you refuse to trust anyone or any situation unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore, you keep a strict and watchful control on your feelings as you must know exactly where you stand at all times. You demand complete sincerity as a protection against your own tendency to be too trusting.

You are being very dogmatic, insisting that there is to be absolutely no equivocation whatsoever about your achievements and accomplishments.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Hey guys... I recorded some music and I want you to check it out.

http://www.myspace.com/ofempires

Give me feed back.
Friday, I’m going to cover every song on Rancids album Out Come The Wolves, one of my all time favorite albums. This will be on my acoustic guitar and I’ll record it and put it on youtube.


GET FUCKING EXCITED. Cassie, Melissa, Megan, Kasie, any of you wanna come over and sing a back up or two?

So I'm officially hooked up to the World Wide Web in my home. It's pretty amazing.

Now, time to kick back, open a Diet Coke and watch Idol.


Oh yeah, to all you blogger users who follow me, and notice that I don't follow you, fear not. I RSS your blog through google reader. There's about 37 blogs I read. It can be overwhelming.
Today my leg really hurts, and I'm all out of advil. I drank 4 beers at 5pm and spent the rest of the night with a headache. And of course I can't sleep.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Naples friends, my license is suspended, don't let me drive!!!
This is a reminder to myself to write these topics out in long form, an essay or article perhaps.

1. BASKETBALL
in my opinion it's the most exciting sport that's out right now, there are literaly dozens of stars in Pro Basketball, every team no matter how big the market has at least one super star. It makes watching the season really exciting, because there are always records being broken, unbelievable plays being made and anything can happen. Because it's so accessable in urban areas it makes it easy for kids in those areas to practice and get really, really good. It's easier I think for a kid out of highschool to go pro in Basketball than in any other sport, I think because it can be played and practiced alone.

Also, what's neat about basketball is that one player can actually carry a team to victory by himself, sure there are 4 other guys out there on the court but look at Kobe Bryant, he's scoring on average 40 points a game, that's like almost half the points a night out of one player, insane.



2. I'm really in love with Action Sport videography and production. I think that they're doing it more original and more creatively than what indie film makers are doing, even better than big production houses and big named directors.
It's just so easy to do all of this from your bedroom on your Macbook Pro. I really believe that in next 10 years we're going to see directors come out of the action sports world and cross over into major motion pictures. My friend for example Mike Adno.
I really dig on his style of film making. He, like many other artists in this field have the time and the energy to really do this and do it well.

When I watch action sports videos, I see better angles, faster action through the use of scooters or skate boards to film from, you can get really close to the subject without the loudness or danger of filming from trucks or cars. I see the overuse of wide angle lenses, but I kinda like it. I see an effective use of music, to compliment the subject, not just be in the background. It's fun. it's smart. It's exciting.


That's it for today, big day planned so far today I have to get un-hungover, take a bike ride, eat something delicious.

bye.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

you guys should read my poetry...

i'm on a beach trying to look windswept
wondering if i'm in the place where so many conquerors before me stood, both of us looking for the same thing,
uncharted lands to make our own.

and a wave crashes, and a mullet jumps, and i hear a seagull cry and i think that there are two types of men who fall in love.

men who become comfortable and reckless with their love, wielding it like a small boy would wield a gun, showing it to all of his friends but not bothering to unload it, and holding it without caution and reverence.
these men care not for the love it's self, but rather for how it makes them feel, powerful.

then there are the men who treasure the love they've found, care for it like a garden
they tend it with great patience hoping to cultivate every seed sown.
but worried that winter will one day come and the once vibrant garden will be desolate.

finally looking windswept on a beach where the pelican meets the albatross and both look puzzled
and i take a measurement, 29 paces to the shore line. my life may be measured in increments of passing time.
i choose to put those little moments of time into threes and call them pop songs and judge everything around me based on them.

and back into my car i look to my right and i'm reminded why i'm here, and i look up past the sun roof and into the mouth that god holds open like a child trying to catch the rain and the drop falls and i take a hand into mine and i drive us, anywhere we'd like to go.

-Michael Waskom, 2008

Saturday, February 14, 2009

So it's been a busy week.

Early in the week I rode my bike north to a place called Bonita Beach which is a rather uneventful place, but it's nice to ride far.

Work has been stressful and not like the good stress, but I'm managing. I feel like I'm going to break out or something because of it. Anyways...

Thursday I rode south to some of the biggest mansions I've ever seen, it's crazy, it's like a hollywood hills without the hills, but with a beach. Both those rides were over 20 miles and although I feel really fat it feels good to ride like this again.

I haven't smoked a cigarette since january 29th, I feel really good about this.

Last night I got a new Macbook, which is like a dream to me, I've coveted one of these for literally 4 years. FINALLY.It seems silly, but yeah, everyone has that one thing that really really really want.

I've got a few really sweet friends who put up with a lot of my shit, which isn't really a lot, I don't think, but more like being crazy. But I don't feel crazy today, I feel pretty normal.

I need to grab some lunch and whatnot.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I was fall down drunk by 9 and asleep by 10ish. I AWOKE at 3 and I'm sober, but can't sleep and I'm hungry.

This is getting ridiculous.

Oh, and there's not a Denny's in this damn town.
At 5am the infomercials start.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I hate that I let others emotions dictate how I feel. There's a lot of people at work who are unhappy and negative and it puts me in a really bad mood.

I've been having dreams every night about one topic and although I like the dreams(they're PG) I really want a reality.

I cooked a really nice dinner. I want someone to cook for.

Monday, February 9, 2009

I'm not gonna lie. I miss the internet really bad. Without it I feel so disconnected from everything news, media ,music & friends.
I want a macbook so bad right now I can taste it. There's so much I could do with it, record music write more efficiently all that. Ugh!

The other night at work a co-worker asked me a personal question which was pretty deep and I didn't expect it out if him. He coaxed the answer out of me and basically just told me to do what feels right.

Annnnyways today I took like a 25 mile bike ride. It was super nice.

So also I don't understand the show Made, all the kids are whiny bitches and quitters. Haha at least it makes rhe show funny.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

at a diner called 'the lunch bucket'

staring at a map of albania, writen in albanian.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

"Drink a 6 pack only way to relax, missed a meeting another relapse."
-me

I have mixed emotions watching American Idol, kristen and I watched Idol.

What a nightmare but at time I miss her.

I haven't smoked in 5 days.

Friday, January 30, 2009

I'm remembering driving to my hockey games with my friend Chris while on my street, listening to Crash by Dave Mathews Band.

They recruited me onto the team because I was a "rollerblader" aggressive inline skater. the team got me all the hockey gear for me, it was all stolen. which i think was cool.

i remember going to one of the 3 denny's in bradenton. i had some serious conversations in those buildings. two of them are gone now. pity.

i remember scoring my first winning goal in a game. ima hero.

and now i think about not being able to drink every day.

i'm having dreams every night where i have to shoot someone to save my life but the gun jams, every time.

i'm thinking i'm gonna move once i finish my ATL training .

and i got high, and i lost faith in a melody, written for a girl when i had nothing left to hide and so i cried because i'm missing you, i'm missing florida, it.s a long way back from california.

i dont want to be "well" i just want to not hate who i am.

i need to meet a nice girl.(irony)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Oh I thought i'd mention that it's going to be hard and damn near impossible to find a woman who will like a man who doesnt want to drive on principle.
its too hard in this country to find someone who isnt that superficial and DOESNT live in a big city.

No Time For Love
XnoXloveXlostX

I sorta like who i am and really like who i want to be.

Today was really rough on me. Although it was a productive day, I did a lot I'm really beat. and when I have days like this people , myself included tend to only focus on the negative.

I'll say, driving people around is really stressful , I don't like it. Today I felt depressed because I'm broooke. Although I did buy breakfast for a homeless guy. And I felt encouraged by seeing and hearing the upper managment of my company speak.

Today I also got the final mix of my cd, so hopefully It'll be mastered soon.

I really think i'm going to sell my truck soon. I can't stand driving . maybe i'll get a scooter , idk. I just don't want to be burdened with driving.

I just want to have enough money to be generous, pay my rent and drink all I want.
It's not too much to ask.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

So I'm about to leave for Fort Lauderdale in a few minutes and I wonder how I got here.

Why do I claim to hate responsibility yet always take so much of it? Is it the sense of purpose? The urgency of having others depend on me?

I don't know, but here I am driving a rental mini van(it's pretty badass) and driving 6 other co-workers across the state.

Here are a few of my fears.

1. That a song I love will come on the radio and I'll be tempted to sing it(So what, I know all the words to a lot of songs)
2.Driving over and being the driver basically makes you in charge, and I don't want to seem like an idiot in front of people that I have to work with daily.
3. That I'll have all the answers in the classes we'll be taking and I'll be singled out as a know it all.(breaking the curve is never a good idea with your peers)
4. That I'll have to go to the bathroom and no one else will, I hate to inconvenience people.
5. That the one pretty girl who's going with us will think that I'm totally lame(even though I know nothing about her)

Anyways, it should be an o k time. It'll be neat driving east into the sunrise.

I should go over one day soon just to see the sunrise on the beach and then hang out, any takers?

Saturday, January 24, 2009

bonfire / surprise birthday party for one of my main girls cassie!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

So tonight i had some fun spent way too much money and just now, broke an old candle holder, spreading glass all across my floor.

What a bummer.

Nice bike ride tonight though.
I wish i knew what to think.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Holy shit. I'm at taco bell for ¢.20 taco day and it's a fucking mad house filled with high school students and i just can't get over how crazy it is here.

I would also like to take this time to state how much i hate young people, they'e basically worthless lumps of idiotic flesh. Ugh.

So i watched the inaugration on the tee vee and, yeah i got a bit choked up. It's cool.
After i leave here i need to pick up a pooper scooper and then get ready to watch Idol.

USA!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Oh yeah, that's my gun next to the dvd case. I'm badass too.

John Mclane is so badass. He's old skool badass. He doesnt give a fuck, which is what makes his character so awesome.

I've had Die Hard 4(live free or die hard) for over a year but only watched it tonight , shame on me.

Now i'm watching the first Die Hard and i'm so pumped.

Yippy-kay-aye, motherfucker.

So i got my promotion, neat. I havent been doing much lately, which is a bummer.

I've been slacking on my workouts which is lame too.
I may quit smoking again, so I can sing well again. I guess i'm just scared to change myself for the better, which is stupid i know.

Hey citrus hey liquor i love it when you touch each other.
I feel jesus in the clumysiness of young and akward lovers.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Just had my interview , god i always interview well, i wish it would have been more people or even strangers in the interview but overall i can't complain.

Also I cannot wait for my tax return because i'm buying a Macbook and then i'll be complete.

Panera now 24 season 7 premiere tonight, i can't explain how fucking excited i am for this.

Well, another step in the direction of crazy . I have started accumlating multiple pieces of the same articles of clothing. Several pairs of the same color and style of jeans and similar shirts.

Also i'm on caffine overload.
I saw a pretty good movie today.
Ate Chick-fli-a.
Sucked at guitar hero in best buy and fantasized about owning a Mac, some day soon.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Let me also mention that the first piece of recorded music I ever bought myself(with my allowence) was the Cocktail sound track, back in like '89.
I used to put it on and jump on the bed while listening.

Some things are ingrained, after all I was named after a man who committed suicide.

I used to drink a lot and paint naked(not that I still don't drink a lot). I miss that.

Watching Cocktail reminds me of those old good times. That's why I like it. I remember all the women that came and went during those times.
So much to gain, so little aquired.

You learn a lot about yourself when you're at your lowest. Like doing coke off a dirty toilet seat at work, or waking covered in your own vomit, and throwing away all that you own.
Once I quit my job and just biked for months . I'm not going to quit my job now, i like it too much.

It takes a lot of guts to live life on your wits alone, that's all I really wanna do.

I'm going to start painting again.

Friday, January 9, 2009

My recently alphabetize dvd collection . 123 dvd's. For some reason i've got 2 copies of Punch Drunk Love , The Boondock Saints, and The Terminal.

Right now I'm watching Cocktail for probably the 150th time. I've got every word memorized, and it always makes me feel centered.

Fucked up, i know.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

I'm so excited!

The last thing I needed was to pur on A Walk To Remember and get all weepy but here I am. And it's not a bad place to be.

So to speak.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

it just hit me after 6 beers. im not mad about the haircut and the clothes, or being punk at heart. i'm mad or upset because the real me isnt enough. the best me(and the best person for the job) isnt enough for me to be me.

the person i am isnt enough, they want more. which is why i believe that for example, given two equally qualified people the better looking of the two will always be the victor.

i'm more hurt that all my effort and desire and will; who i am. me, just isnt enough.

they. you. everyone wants more that i can or am willing give.

so im pret pissed off right now. its come to my attention that store leadership wants me to get a hair cut to "fit in" and be acceptable with our rich customers. this also might hinge on my promotion . im really upset and hurt that being thr prime canidate for promotion isnt enough. they dont like how i dress,or my hair. its not enough to be the best at what i do, i also have to look a certain part? they can all eat shit for all i care. i will now bow down to this. i will not change who i am for a job. i KNOW this seems a bit dramatic, but i have my principles and i dont take shit from anyone.

oh yeah 32oz of coronas making this better tonight.
fuck off.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

So i've got a sink completely full of dishes, a floor that needs to be swept and laundry that just has to be done.

This year i want to hear less complaining and more singing. I wanna see less protests, and more interracial relationships. I want teachers to make more money and pro atheltes to make less.
I want the lower class to rise up, and take back whats theirs.

Sue me but I want Castro to live 10 more years, and for Hugo Chavez to make more money off of his oil, americans only hate him because he does what we want to do, but can't. He does shit his way and that pisses us off.

I want to see just as many sunny days as rainy days.

We'll see what happens.

I was born to be a fiddler in an old time string band.