Friday, January 30, 2009

I'm remembering driving to my hockey games with my friend Chris while on my street, listening to Crash by Dave Mathews Band.

They recruited me onto the team because I was a "rollerblader" aggressive inline skater. the team got me all the hockey gear for me, it was all stolen. which i think was cool.

i remember going to one of the 3 denny's in bradenton. i had some serious conversations in those buildings. two of them are gone now. pity.

i remember scoring my first winning goal in a game. ima hero.

and now i think about not being able to drink every day.

i'm having dreams every night where i have to shoot someone to save my life but the gun jams, every time.

i'm thinking i'm gonna move once i finish my ATL training .

and i got high, and i lost faith in a melody, written for a girl when i had nothing left to hide and so i cried because i'm missing you, i'm missing florida, it.s a long way back from california.

i dont want to be "well" i just want to not hate who i am.

i need to meet a nice girl.(irony)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Oh I thought i'd mention that it's going to be hard and damn near impossible to find a woman who will like a man who doesnt want to drive on principle.
its too hard in this country to find someone who isnt that superficial and DOESNT live in a big city.

No Time For Love

I sorta like who i am and really like who i want to be.

Today was really rough on me. Although it was a productive day, I did a lot I'm really beat. and when I have days like this people , myself included tend to only focus on the negative.

I'll say, driving people around is really stressful , I don't like it. Today I felt depressed because I'm broooke. Although I did buy breakfast for a homeless guy. And I felt encouraged by seeing and hearing the upper managment of my company speak.

Today I also got the final mix of my cd, so hopefully It'll be mastered soon.

I really think i'm going to sell my truck soon. I can't stand driving . maybe i'll get a scooter , idk. I just don't want to be burdened with driving.

I just want to have enough money to be generous, pay my rent and drink all I want.
It's not too much to ask.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

So I'm about to leave for Fort Lauderdale in a few minutes and I wonder how I got here.

Why do I claim to hate responsibility yet always take so much of it? Is it the sense of purpose? The urgency of having others depend on me?

I don't know, but here I am driving a rental mini van(it's pretty badass) and driving 6 other co-workers across the state.

Here are a few of my fears.

1. That a song I love will come on the radio and I'll be tempted to sing it(So what, I know all the words to a lot of songs)
2.Driving over and being the driver basically makes you in charge, and I don't want to seem like an idiot in front of people that I have to work with daily.
3. That I'll have all the answers in the classes we'll be taking and I'll be singled out as a know it all.(breaking the curve is never a good idea with your peers)
4. That I'll have to go to the bathroom and no one else will, I hate to inconvenience people.
5. That the one pretty girl who's going with us will think that I'm totally lame(even though I know nothing about her)

Anyways, it should be an o k time. It'll be neat driving east into the sunrise.

I should go over one day soon just to see the sunrise on the beach and then hang out, any takers?

Saturday, January 24, 2009

bonfire / surprise birthday party for one of my main girls cassie!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

So tonight i had some fun spent way too much money and just now, broke an old candle holder, spreading glass all across my floor.

What a bummer.

Nice bike ride tonight though.
I wish i knew what to think.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Holy shit. I'm at taco bell for ¢.20 taco day and it's a fucking mad house filled with high school students and i just can't get over how crazy it is here.

I would also like to take this time to state how much i hate young people, they'e basically worthless lumps of idiotic flesh. Ugh.

So i watched the inaugration on the tee vee and, yeah i got a bit choked up. It's cool.
After i leave here i need to pick up a pooper scooper and then get ready to watch Idol.


Saturday, January 17, 2009

Oh yeah, that's my gun next to the dvd case. I'm badass too.

John Mclane is so badass. He's old skool badass. He doesnt give a fuck, which is what makes his character so awesome.

I've had Die Hard 4(live free or die hard) for over a year but only watched it tonight , shame on me.

Now i'm watching the first Die Hard and i'm so pumped.

Yippy-kay-aye, motherfucker.

So i got my promotion, neat. I havent been doing much lately, which is a bummer.

I've been slacking on my workouts which is lame too.
I may quit smoking again, so I can sing well again. I guess i'm just scared to change myself for the better, which is stupid i know.

Hey citrus hey liquor i love it when you touch each other.
I feel jesus in the clumysiness of young and akward lovers.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Just had my interview , god i always interview well, i wish it would have been more people or even strangers in the interview but overall i can't complain.

Also I cannot wait for my tax return because i'm buying a Macbook and then i'll be complete.

Panera now 24 season 7 premiere tonight, i can't explain how fucking excited i am for this.

Well, another step in the direction of crazy . I have started accumlating multiple pieces of the same articles of clothing. Several pairs of the same color and style of jeans and similar shirts.

Also i'm on caffine overload.
I saw a pretty good movie today.
Ate Chick-fli-a.
Sucked at guitar hero in best buy and fantasized about owning a Mac, some day soon.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Let me also mention that the first piece of recorded music I ever bought myself(with my allowence) was the Cocktail sound track, back in like '89.
I used to put it on and jump on the bed while listening.

Some things are ingrained, after all I was named after a man who committed suicide.

I used to drink a lot and paint naked(not that I still don't drink a lot). I miss that.

Watching Cocktail reminds me of those old good times. That's why I like it. I remember all the women that came and went during those times.
So much to gain, so little aquired.

You learn a lot about yourself when you're at your lowest. Like doing coke off a dirty toilet seat at work, or waking covered in your own vomit, and throwing away all that you own.
Once I quit my job and just biked for months . I'm not going to quit my job now, i like it too much.

It takes a lot of guts to live life on your wits alone, that's all I really wanna do.

I'm going to start painting again.

Friday, January 9, 2009

My recently alphabetize dvd collection . 123 dvd's. For some reason i've got 2 copies of Punch Drunk Love , The Boondock Saints, and The Terminal.

Right now I'm watching Cocktail for probably the 150th time. I've got every word memorized, and it always makes me feel centered.

Fucked up, i know.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

I'm so excited!

The last thing I needed was to pur on A Walk To Remember and get all weepy but here I am. And it's not a bad place to be.

So to speak.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

it just hit me after 6 beers. im not mad about the haircut and the clothes, or being punk at heart. i'm mad or upset because the real me isnt enough. the best me(and the best person for the job) isnt enough for me to be me.

the person i am isnt enough, they want more. which is why i believe that for example, given two equally qualified people the better looking of the two will always be the victor.

i'm more hurt that all my effort and desire and will; who i am. me, just isnt enough.

they. you. everyone wants more that i can or am willing give.

so im pret pissed off right now. its come to my attention that store leadership wants me to get a hair cut to "fit in" and be acceptable with our rich customers. this also might hinge on my promotion . im really upset and hurt that being thr prime canidate for promotion isnt enough. they dont like how i dress,or my hair. its not enough to be the best at what i do, i also have to look a certain part? they can all eat shit for all i care. i will now bow down to this. i will not change who i am for a job. i KNOW this seems a bit dramatic, but i have my principles and i dont take shit from anyone.

oh yeah 32oz of coronas making this better tonight.
fuck off.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

So i've got a sink completely full of dishes, a floor that needs to be swept and laundry that just has to be done.

This year i want to hear less complaining and more singing. I wanna see less protests, and more interracial relationships. I want teachers to make more money and pro atheltes to make less.
I want the lower class to rise up, and take back whats theirs.

Sue me but I want Castro to live 10 more years, and for Hugo Chavez to make more money off of his oil, americans only hate him because he does what we want to do, but can't. He does shit his way and that pisses us off.

I want to see just as many sunny days as rainy days.

We'll see what happens.

I was born to be a fiddler in an old time string band.