Thursday, July 24, 2008

Tonight myself and some people from around town went on a group ride and several notable things happened that are worth noting.

1. After I picked up Joe and we were heading down Coconut where two of my friends have been jumped and had their bikes stolen in the past... so anyways Joe and I are hauling it down Coconut and what appears in front of us but about a dozen males age 15-20 maybe, all of african descent who as they see us approaching block the roadway until i shine my light at them and we pick up the pace after which they opened up a small hole for us to pass at high speed. Very scary if you ask me. Athena who also lives in the Coconut area was also almost jumped about five minutes later until one said to the others, "it's a girl, it's a're lucky you're a girl."

What the fuck is wrong with people.

I would rather have anything else I own, including my car stole from be before I would have my bike leave my possession. There's something about how I built every inch of that machine that makes me very attached to it.

2. Some people actually are into bicycles and fixed gear cycling culture as a hobbie, something to do in their early 20's during and after college and before they join the 'real world'. These people are usually very annoying and have money in the bank(which almost makes them tolerable). I could go on and on with this forever but I'll just say that these people are the reason I have no faith in the future of this world and I'm genuinely concerned for my wellbeing into the 21st century.

3. Coinciding with point number 2, last week I almost brought myself to tears after I realized that I judged someone improperly. I don't want to elaborate on this situation because it still makes me feel bad, even though i didn't say anything to anyone about this judgment. But the question comes to me and it is, Is it okay to judge the rich? Can they take all I can dish out?

I'm just rambling now. Onto a more positive topic. This Saturday I will be riding my bicycle to Gainesville Florida from Sarasota Florida. It's a 200 mile ride and I'll be doing it on a fixed gear.

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Saturday I depart for Gainesville Fl, on my bicycle. If I make it, it will be a double century ride, on a fixed gear bicycle. Look out for pictures this time next week.

200 miles is quite a long way, wish me luck, I may need it.

Also my girlfriend moved out and I had been pretty upset about it, things rarely go as planned. I can't always control the wind, but I can always adjust my sails.

I may lose a lot of things, but at least I still have my bicycle and my dog. I do miss Kristen though.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Is it wrong to feel like I don't want to be in love with Kristen any longer? I mean, she is completely incapable of making me happy, all she actually does is make my life harder by being lazy, spoiled and selfish(which can be accounted for by being clinically depressed).

She apparently has no desire to improve herself even though her mother and I practically force her to the doctors.

Is love now worth a headache later? Where is the line one crosses when it actually is all more trouble than it's worth?

I give so much, I do all of the cooking and cleaning and I do all of the budgeting for bills take care of the dogs and the list goes on and on. And if I don't want sex when she wants it? I'm an asshole and maybe she should be with someone younger who can give her what she wants.

I just feel like I deserve someone who can give back to me, even in the slightest way, because it's not too much to ask.

And because of all of this I'm starting to miss things from my past, like wishing I never moved away from Gainesville. Even though i struggled financially there at least I always felt I knew who I was even if I didn't like who that person was. Now i feel like I know who I am and that I'm trapped, whereas before I at least felt like I could escape.

This Is Not An Exit.