Monday, July 7, 2008

Is it wrong to feel like I don't want to be in love with Kristen any longer? I mean, she is completely incapable of making me happy, all she actually does is make my life harder by being lazy, spoiled and selfish(which can be accounted for by being clinically depressed).

She apparently has no desire to improve herself even though her mother and I practically force her to the doctors.

Is love now worth a headache later? Where is the line one crosses when it actually is all more trouble than it's worth?

I give so much, I do all of the cooking and cleaning and I do all of the budgeting for bills take care of the dogs and the list goes on and on. And if I don't want sex when she wants it? I'm an asshole and maybe she should be with someone younger who can give her what she wants.

I just feel like I deserve someone who can give back to me, even in the slightest way, because it's not too much to ask.

And because of all of this I'm starting to miss things from my past, like wishing I never moved away from Gainesville. Even though i struggled financially there at least I always felt I knew who I was even if I didn't like who that person was. Now i feel like I know who I am and that I'm trapped, whereas before I at least felt like I could escape.

This Is Not An Exit.