Saturday, February 28, 2009

I know my room is smelling like a dive bar, but theses songs I can't play anymore they hang over me like Damocles. Please come home tonight.
I'll tell you what's real, this lust in my heart and this bottle in my hand.

Friday, February 27, 2009

So I feel like shit.

Today a customer made a cashier cry. This is a cashier that I don't really care for, but when it's us against them(the customers) I'll always choose my co-workers any day.

This guy was really rude, and being verbally abusive, in front of me I heard him say "You be quiet" with a harsh tone.

The circumstances are vague, but they had a disagreement and he proceeded to be very mean, later telling me "yeah, I told her to 'be quiet' because she wouldn't stop rambling".

I told him, that I'd be happy to offer him his money back but that I felt that he was rude to my cashier and she didn't deserve that.

She's very upset because she feels that giving him free food validates his behavior, when all I wanted to do was to get him out of the store quickly.

When we finally involved the store manager the guy wanted MY full name and a business card, like I did something wrong. I'm not too worried, 9 times in 10 nothing comes of these things.

When did we get to the point that a customer can yell at an employee, make her cry, and feel like they're in the right? How am I a bad person for telling someone, honestly that they were rude and wrong?

I feel like I've failed this person, that I should have been there for her in a more effective way. I shouldn't have let her down.
A little while later I talked with her as she was crying and I almost started crying, I wanted to hug her, I just wanted to hold her hand because I felt so bad for her, but I couldn't do anything.

It's interesting how someone I don't even really like can pull such emotions out of me, human beings can be connected sometimes it just takes the right circumstances.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I'm drunk and wanting to talk about music...

And NO ONE commented on my previous post about my new book, so here's a ditty about old music... enjoy, assholes.

I can't tell you how many times I heard this album growing up. If I can give credit to my mother and step-father, it's the credit of introducing me to a lot of good music.

Classic rock, Stones, Journey, Boston, Zeppelin, Clapton(so much Clapton), not so much Pink Floyd, a LOT of The Allman Brothers, The Police, Sammy Hagar(pre and post VanHalen don't hate), CCR, a little Dylan, John Cougar Mellencamp, Tom Petty, The Band, Stevie Ray Vaughn.

I could go on and on.

See, I was raised on Rock and Roll. We didn't go to church when I was a kid. We turned on the radio on sunday mornings, and DIDN'T watch tv. It was every fucking sunday, without fail. Pancake breakfast, with OJ and Bacon, rock music.

I heard this Traveling Wilburys record when I was probably 8 or so. What I remember about it was that there was different singers singing throughout the album. Roy Orbison is fucking amazing. I read somewhere that when they were writing theses songs and didn't know who was going to sing the lead, they'd just give it to Roy, because he has such an amazing voice.

Roy Orbison was known for wearing sunglasses all the time too. Turns out, they were prescription, and he wore them partly because he has beady little eyes and used them effectively to hide behind. I always found that interesting.

The song "Congratulations" always struck me. Bob Dylan is great in this song. Something about such a big word in a pop song "Congratulations" really caught my ear.

Of course having George Harrison on anything is impressive. His career post-beatles is probably the most impressive to me, I mean, listen to "All Things Must Pass" a fucking TRIPLE album like six months after the Beatles break up, seriously, amazing!

I think that the Wilburys rival anything that McCartney and Wings did any day, of course George needed Orbison, Petty, and Dylan to do it.

Anyways, I could talk about music all day. Don't get me started on the Allmans or Van Halen...

You see, I was born, I was raised to have Rock and Roll in my blood, it's in my dna.

Why am I shitfaced, living in Naples in my shitty duplex then? I don't know. Do you know anyone who can type better than me after 7 beers?

Someone, validate me, or call me an asshole. Whatever.
First off, I don't like the new blogger layout. I don't want to see the followers I'm not following while visiting someone else's blog. It's stupid. I follow blogs through a really, you know efficient way, it's called Google Reader.

Moving on, new novel is going okay, I've got a semi clear vision for where I want it to go. I'm aiming at 2,000 words a day, if not more and to be done with it in a month.

I'm drinking Modelo especial, delicious.

I fucked up my fucking pc and it won't network with my Macbook and I'm really pissed.

Tonight I want drugs, but I have no connection here, so I'll have to settle for the brew. Coincidentally I'm watching the film bastardization of one of my favorite books, Less Than Zero.

I blew off laundry to drink beer and write, go figure.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

For Lent I'm giving up dignity.
Couldn't for the life of me find a shitty place to drink around my house so... I'm at the USS Nemo at the bar. I did find some empty places but I didn't wanna be forced to talk to a bartender so here I am.

I feel like a tool in here and I recognize a waitress who comes into whole foods.

I just want to drink whiskey at a place where you're unsure if the glass is clean or not.

Oh well.

So I guess I'm gonna write a new novel, I started in on it today and I'm not sure what to think. Below I'll post the first two pages. It'll work backwards from there, so the first chapter is the last thing that'll happen in the time line, I think? I'm not sure.

I just want some honest feed back about an afternoon's work. I'm not even sure I like this yet, I just know it feels good to type 10,000 words a day. So if you read this, drop a comment, or whatever.

“This is going to be hard to explain,” she said. As she moved across the room and turned down the radio, Elton John was singing, “Daniel, you’re a star”. It’s interesting because Ellis, who’s Christian name was Elizabeth who came to be called Ellis because of a lisp that she had as a child, she would say, Ellissabeth and it just stuck. It’s interesting because I don’t remember turning on the radio, I don’t remember even having a radio so when she turned it off and said “This is going to be hard to explain,” I was really startled.
She crossed back to my side of the room and sat on the arm of the couch and gave me a hard look, then a soft look. I tried to smile but she knows that when I fake a smile or try and smile even without really smiling I look funny, like someone who just put a slice of lemon in their mouth. Who begins a sentence with, “this is going to be hard to explain,” I was thinking, I mean you can or you cannot explain something. What’s hard to explain is why I own a radio with an antenna on it? I don’t remember turning it on, I do however remember hearing Elton come on and start with those words about this guy, Daniel who came back from the war and wanted things to be the same but instead they weren’t, so he flys to Spain to like, run away from all of his life, you know? I don’t think Ellis knows these stupid facts about one pop song from the 70’s but as I sit there on the couch and she’s there, on the arm of the couch with her tight black jeans and button up shirt her hair messy in her eyes, I just want to tell her about all of this but I know that she’s got this thing that she wants to explain to me, and I’ve got this radio that came from somewhere. I get up and walk into my kitchen and open the fridge and pull out a diet coke and pop the top and I smell the opening of the can, it’s an old habit but when I was a kid I used to think that some foods were poisoned and you could smell em.

I set the coke down and then pick it back up and walk over to the radio and turn it back up, because Spirit In The Sky had come on and I love that shuffle drumming but Ellis stood up as I turned back to the couch and she took off her jacket and as I was about to pass her she stopped me with her left hand from passing her by and going into the bedroom. She looked up at me and said, “Josh, I’m moving, I took a job and I’m moving...”
I walked back over to the radio and shut it off and put in up in a cupboard and leaned against the counter below the cupboard and took a log pull off of the coke and looked at her. “When did you decide this?” I asked. Ellis put her jacket back on and gave me another soft look and said “Yesterday, baby. Yesterday.”

And then I remembered where I got that radio from, a garage sale that I went to with Stephanie, my x-girlfriend, after we made love while Ellis was visiting her parents house on the other side of town and I was suppose to be at work. That’s where that damn radio came from.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I can't get over how much of a waste of time these classes are. Out of 40 people there are only maybe 6 real candidates for leadership.
One of the educators was asking which jobs were high turnover positions and a classmate actually said "what's a high turnover position". Not asking which positions had higher turnover but asking for a definition of the phrase.


I honestly can't believe that some of these people who work on the east coast make 5 or so dollars more than me and don't have half the skill sets I have.

Haha oh well. At least I can get a good laugh in once a month.

I expected to at least be challenged by this, but its like a garbage man trying to perform brain surgery . Almost no one here is truly qualified to be here.

I'm disappointed.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Okay, so you ever get that drunk myspace message from people?
So, I got one, over on my bands myspace( from this random kid, who I don't ever remember meeting. It goes to show, someone is always watching you, or in this case listening.

I don't know what to think, I'm totally taken aback and flattered...

what is up man. im from srq and i dunno if you remember me but i used to go to ur shows along tim ago when i was a freshie. ive been good friends with stu. but i remember going to an of empires show when they played with the perks and i know u used to work at apple bees with brad peel and mike whalen on university and date kim conrad she was one of my really good friends... and all i can say is you have influenced my music selection since i first heard you.....and i havent listened to you in a while but i just liwstened too your full playlist and it was stilll amzing. si this inst to kiss ass...your music is fucking amaizing waskom. take this as flattery and not me makin an ass of myself cuz im prettty drunk right now.
but you got"em all beat with that acoustic shit!

Does this mean that I really do have something with my music, or is there one deranged kid out there in Sarasota?
So, I'm averaging 14 miles a day on my bike. Today I did 17. The only downer is that every day I bike to work the wind is blowing from the north at 10-15mph and I average around 17 mph, so I'm having to push extra hard.

When you bike a lot, without a day off you never really feel fresh, you legs are always tired, although I suspect that this will eventually go away and I'll feel like motherfucking super man, carved out of wood, eventually.

I have to wake up at 4:45 tomorrow morning, not cool, I do NOT want to go to Ft. Lauderdale.

Tonight I got another pair of black jeans. I ALWAYS see the same kid working when I go and This is the 3rd time, he must think I'm insane.

At work I feel that a few people trying to get ahead(justified or not) has set everyone else back. There's no cohesion, and I feel like a few of us are trying to swim upstream, I feel like the past few days I've been slacking a little bit because of this, and that's a real bad excuse.

The gang vocals part in the new All-American Rejects song is so fucking good.

Time to read some, I'm in the middle of re-reading Women by Charles Bukowski, The Great Gatsby and Last Exit To Brooklyn by Hubert Selby Jr, if you haven't read this, you should check it out. Really excellent read.

What are you reading?

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Here's a long one...

So this probably isn't interesting to anyone, but it's been on my mind for a little while, to do a character sketch of some people that I see often, people that I would call friends. I bet you never thought I thought so much about you...

Figure out for yourself who's who.

You're a good boyfriend, who trust his girlfriend and is totally comfortable in his relationship, or you're a total fool. Either way, I'm jealous, you seem happy and that matters. I'm sure you have your problems but what's nice is that you seem to live in the moment and you're not worried about with is past or what will come. You're patient, and after some one gets to know you, you're warm, quite and controlled.

You're wild, uncontrolled, spontaneous and fun. You're good looking and people like you, they want to be around you. You're underestimated and smart. Good with your hands, can fix anything. You don't try very hard at life, but if you did you'd find you were very successful. You'll eventually knock some girl up and get married.

You're unhappy, but it's not life that's in your way, it's you. It's too easy to not do much, but at the same time you don't give a shit. You've got a great bf and I hope that you appreciate him for all that he is. Tomorrow you could be gone, moved away to another city and I wouldn't be surprised, because you're going to do something super cool with your life, you just don't know what that is right now.

You're really pretty, borderline really hot and that's all that most people see. But you're also gracious and graceful. I'm not sure anyone understands you because they don't ask, they're afraid to. One day you're going to shock everyone and say something or do something that no one expects, but you won't be surprised because you knew all along and everyone did you the injustice of selling you short, again and again.

You're the guy that every guy thinks they want to be friends with, you're guy who every guy thinks they want to be, but then after a while they find that being you is too hard. It's a burden. You're incredibly sensitive and caring and being those things is fucking hard, no one wants that, it's something you're born with. You've made some bad decisions, but they felt right in the beginning and now, after the River Card is dealt, you're ok with your hand. You're okay because you know it could be worse. You're just looking for someone to understand you, to connect with, but she's hard to find, because letting someone into your life who's emotionally transparent and okay with that is not a good idea. So until then you'll just be moderately sad and people will still admire you.

You were the ditz, but that's not accurate because you're a very committed person. You're up for anything. You'd probably drive to the moon to pick up a friend and then get drunk and fall over in a pile of your own piss and no one would think any less of you. In my opinion you make some bad decisions and let people take advantage but that's just who you are and eventually you'll find who's right for you and you'll see everything take shape, like a Dali painting coming to life taking shape and making its self right.

You're the wild girl, boys like you, but you like the wrong boys. I think you chase too many dreams at once, which spreads you thin, caught between the familiar and the unknown, unable to commit to either. I can't ever imagine you having a real job, or a real house or a real life. You are going to be what Cameron said Ferris Bueller was going to be, a Fry Cook on Venus. And you know what, I think that's fucking swell.

You're a princess, you always will be. You picked a shitty husband, he's a pussy and just as needy as you are. The difference is that you're really good at whatever it is that you do, you're skilled. It helps that you're pretty, but that doesn't define you. You're defined by your strength, your ability to adapt and your quick wit. You're the type of person everyone should be thankful to have in their lives.

You've been hurt, and although I have nothing to do with it, I feel guilty. I read the words he wrote about you and I get angry. Your problems in the past were not your fault, they were his. You need to know that there's a Balance. You're also hilarious, and I think it's hard for a woman to be truly funny without coming off sexual in her humor, but you do it. Being funny also requires being really smart, and You're as sharp as they come. You'll go on to do a lot of really cool things, and leave behind all the shit that brought you down in your past because you don't know it yet but you'll learn that who you are is a rare person who can deal with anything. Often times I try and put my two cents in, to interject and I realize that you don't need my help, and that impresses me. You have dignity that makes me feel ashamed of myself and although I'm sure you don't hear it, you're gorgeous.

These are the friends that I've made since I've moved to Naples. People who, for the most part grew up in this shit hole and have formed a eerie bond with one another. Like movies about prison, the main character always has a buddy and these people are that buddy for one another. I'm jealous, I'm humbled, I'm sad at that type of friendship, that I can only hope for.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Today at work I almost died. I was atop of a 25 foot ladder and a guy drove a palate into it knocking the ladder over, and I jumped down like fuckin' spiderman. EPIC.

Also, I did a lot of online shopping and I'm bored and I wanna go home. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get tattooed soon, pretttty stoked on that.

I plan on loosing 15 lbs in the month of March. I'll weight myself later to see exactly where I'm at. Get Buff 09'

Friday, February 20, 2009

if you watch jaws backwards...'s a movie about a shark throwing up people until they have to open a beach.

If you watch Heroes backwards you realize that it's been getting progressively better over time.

If you watch Friends backwards, Courtney Cox seems to get older somehow. I think it's the hair.

If you watch Rambo backwards, it's Sylvester Stallone healing people with his magical bullet vacuum.

If you watch Fight Club backwards, you see Ed Norton turn from a crazy streetperson into a successful productive member of society.

If you watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy backwards, it's a saga about a little guy who gets a cool ring from a volcano and spends the rest of the films walking home.

If you watch the 1997 version of Episode IV backwards, Greedo shoots first.

If you watch the entire series backwards, George Lucas develops into a brilliant writer.

If you watch American History X backwards, you see Ed Norton turn from a successful productive member of society into a crazy streetperson.

If you watch Benjamin Button backwards, some kid grows old and dies.

- By getting sucked into a vagina?
-- He went to heaven, obviously.

If you watch the credit crisis backwards, you'll notice that the banks eventually tell people they need good credit to mortgage a home.

- And if you watch American history backwards, people learn from their mistakes, and eventually respect the planet and get along with each other, living in peace.

If you make time goes backwards: a) Christmas is about some dick who comes down your chimney and steals all your presents, b) Hitler was the greatest guy in the world. He rescued millions of Jews from gas chambers..that he created. Actually this makes no sense.

- No, it works. Hitler rescues the Jews from the gas chambers then tears them down. Satisfied with his work he takes up painting.

- It's better than that. He dug up Jews from mass graves, put them to chambers where the magical gas put them back to life.

-- And let's not forget the trains. He shipped all of these Jews back to their homes. And all the germans fixed their windows by some sort of magical stone extraction process. These Germans wore T-shirts with: "I magically materialised whole planes of glass and all I got was this rock shoved into my hands.

If you watched Requiem For A Dream backwards you'd be able to sleep that night.

When you watch Requiem for a Dream backwards you realize how well heroine works to get your friend out of jail, makes your girlfriend quit prostitution, cures your mother, and grows your arm back, bringing an entire family together. That's powerful stuff.

- Plus, "ass-to-ass" backwards is still "ass-to-ass.
Woah, long day.

Up EARLY at like 6am, got some p-cakes and relaxed until the mall opened, where i got some new Vans, finally new shoes.

Then I shot home and grabbed a beer and hung around with my dog. Oh, went to Panera bread too.

One of my bosses called, and so I agreed to sell my truck to her husband, so now I'm car-less and I finally feel burden free. Without weight and free. It's fucking great.

So now this week I'm up like 17hunny and on a mad shopping spree.

Now, I'm drinking some more cold ones and listening to this amazing Dashboard Confessional mix I made on Grooveshark.

If you don't have Grooveshark let me explain it. It's basically a way better version of Pandora Radio, only without the corporate bullshit and a few less songs, but it's getting there. Oh and it's run by dudes in Gainesville, so check it out.

Oh yeah, I also got a hacked version of Mi***oft office suite for mac, and new head phones, and a wireless router.

Good times.

"truth is in a tall beer" - Dashboard Confessional, Drowning.

I couldn't think of anything funnier. I may audition for this.

I took myself out to breakfast, I also took an After picture but deleted to protect the rights of the innocent.

I hate the way old people talk to younger people in the service industry, they talk to us the same way they probably spoke to blacks in the deep south in the 50's, not cool.

Also, I watched an old man yell "shut up!" at a singing bird. Seriously?

I enjoy waking up early.

ima go buy some shoes now.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

My life, hmm, how can I explain this.

I always live in this anticipation and almost fear of intersecting lines. Fear is a wrong word, I'm not afraid, I just hate seeing it from afar and waiting for it to happen.

Where will two points converge on one another? They're going to cross, it's inevitable.

Cars will come upon me, and I am the lesser, the car will win the battle. I'll be walking, I walk very purposely and someone will get in my way. It'll happen.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that this is what I think about, these little insignificant things rule my mind, and I don't know if this makes me better for it, or worse.

Sometimes I'm physically clumsy, but my mind always sees the details.
i'm drunk and a big bottle of emotions and i can't focus on anything and i'm slipping in and out but i know i miss you, and wish you were here to tell me jokes, because you're really hilarious and i enjoy listening to you speak.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

are you fucking kidding me?

This quiz takes like 5 seconds and it's completely true, how is this possible?

you all should take it.

The quiz is the flash box on top

Name: Michael
Date: 2/18/2009
Colorgenics Number: 23146705

You work hard, seeking success. You are self-sufficient and in spite of all the trials and tribulations that have beset you in the past you carry on regardless.. You are one to be admired because you pursue your objectives single-mindedly and with initiative. You know that you can 'do it' and what is more, you will - without necessarily being dependent upon the goodwill of others.

You are willing to try anything once. You 'need to be needed' and what is perhaps more important you 'need to need.' You can only feel close to a person or persons when you feel you can trust them, but this trust needs to be proven to you.

The way things are at this time it is necessary to 'go slow'. All the pleasures that you have anticipated should be left in abeyance until some future date, but all is not lost, you are able to derive and achieve considerable gratification from someone quite close to you.

You are frustrated and stressed. You appreciate the finer things in life but at all times you appear to stay aloof, critical of everything and everyone about you. You will not be carried away by your emotions and you refuse to trust anyone or any situation unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore, you keep a strict and watchful control on your feelings as you must know exactly where you stand at all times. You demand complete sincerity as a protection against your own tendency to be too trusting.

You are being very dogmatic, insisting that there is to be absolutely no equivocation whatsoever about your achievements and accomplishments.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Hey guys... I recorded some music and I want you to check it out.

Give me feed back.
Friday, I’m going to cover every song on Rancids album Out Come The Wolves, one of my all time favorite albums. This will be on my acoustic guitar and I’ll record it and put it on youtube.

GET FUCKING EXCITED. Cassie, Melissa, Megan, Kasie, any of you wanna come over and sing a back up or two?

So I'm officially hooked up to the World Wide Web in my home. It's pretty amazing.

Now, time to kick back, open a Diet Coke and watch Idol.

Oh yeah, to all you blogger users who follow me, and notice that I don't follow you, fear not. I RSS your blog through google reader. There's about 37 blogs I read. It can be overwhelming.
Today my leg really hurts, and I'm all out of advil. I drank 4 beers at 5pm and spent the rest of the night with a headache. And of course I can't sleep.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Naples friends, my license is suspended, don't let me drive!!!
This is a reminder to myself to write these topics out in long form, an essay or article perhaps.

in my opinion it's the most exciting sport that's out right now, there are literaly dozens of stars in Pro Basketball, every team no matter how big the market has at least one super star. It makes watching the season really exciting, because there are always records being broken, unbelievable plays being made and anything can happen. Because it's so accessable in urban areas it makes it easy for kids in those areas to practice and get really, really good. It's easier I think for a kid out of highschool to go pro in Basketball than in any other sport, I think because it can be played and practiced alone.

Also, what's neat about basketball is that one player can actually carry a team to victory by himself, sure there are 4 other guys out there on the court but look at Kobe Bryant, he's scoring on average 40 points a game, that's like almost half the points a night out of one player, insane.

2. I'm really in love with Action Sport videography and production. I think that they're doing it more original and more creatively than what indie film makers are doing, even better than big production houses and big named directors.
It's just so easy to do all of this from your bedroom on your Macbook Pro. I really believe that in next 10 years we're going to see directors come out of the action sports world and cross over into major motion pictures. My friend for example Mike Adno.
I really dig on his style of film making. He, like many other artists in this field have the time and the energy to really do this and do it well.

When I watch action sports videos, I see better angles, faster action through the use of scooters or skate boards to film from, you can get really close to the subject without the loudness or danger of filming from trucks or cars. I see the overuse of wide angle lenses, but I kinda like it. I see an effective use of music, to compliment the subject, not just be in the background. It's fun. it's smart. It's exciting.

That's it for today, big day planned so far today I have to get un-hungover, take a bike ride, eat something delicious.


Sunday, February 15, 2009

you guys should read my poetry...

i'm on a beach trying to look windswept
wondering if i'm in the place where so many conquerors before me stood, both of us looking for the same thing,
uncharted lands to make our own.

and a wave crashes, and a mullet jumps, and i hear a seagull cry and i think that there are two types of men who fall in love.

men who become comfortable and reckless with their love, wielding it like a small boy would wield a gun, showing it to all of his friends but not bothering to unload it, and holding it without caution and reverence.
these men care not for the love it's self, but rather for how it makes them feel, powerful.

then there are the men who treasure the love they've found, care for it like a garden
they tend it with great patience hoping to cultivate every seed sown.
but worried that winter will one day come and the once vibrant garden will be desolate.

finally looking windswept on a beach where the pelican meets the albatross and both look puzzled
and i take a measurement, 29 paces to the shore line. my life may be measured in increments of passing time.
i choose to put those little moments of time into threes and call them pop songs and judge everything around me based on them.

and back into my car i look to my right and i'm reminded why i'm here, and i look up past the sun roof and into the mouth that god holds open like a child trying to catch the rain and the drop falls and i take a hand into mine and i drive us, anywhere we'd like to go.

-Michael Waskom, 2008

Saturday, February 14, 2009

So it's been a busy week.

Early in the week I rode my bike north to a place called Bonita Beach which is a rather uneventful place, but it's nice to ride far.

Work has been stressful and not like the good stress, but I'm managing. I feel like I'm going to break out or something because of it. Anyways...

Thursday I rode south to some of the biggest mansions I've ever seen, it's crazy, it's like a hollywood hills without the hills, but with a beach. Both those rides were over 20 miles and although I feel really fat it feels good to ride like this again.

I haven't smoked a cigarette since january 29th, I feel really good about this.

Last night I got a new Macbook, which is like a dream to me, I've coveted one of these for literally 4 years. FINALLY.It seems silly, but yeah, everyone has that one thing that really really really want.

I've got a few really sweet friends who put up with a lot of my shit, which isn't really a lot, I don't think, but more like being crazy. But I don't feel crazy today, I feel pretty normal.

I need to grab some lunch and whatnot.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I was fall down drunk by 9 and asleep by 10ish. I AWOKE at 3 and I'm sober, but can't sleep and I'm hungry.

This is getting ridiculous.

Oh, and there's not a Denny's in this damn town.
At 5am the infomercials start.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I hate that I let others emotions dictate how I feel. There's a lot of people at work who are unhappy and negative and it puts me in a really bad mood.

I've been having dreams every night about one topic and although I like the dreams(they're PG) I really want a reality.

I cooked a really nice dinner. I want someone to cook for.

Monday, February 9, 2009

I'm not gonna lie. I miss the internet really bad. Without it I feel so disconnected from everything news, media ,music & friends.
I want a macbook so bad right now I can taste it. There's so much I could do with it, record music write more efficiently all that. Ugh!

The other night at work a co-worker asked me a personal question which was pretty deep and I didn't expect it out if him. He coaxed the answer out of me and basically just told me to do what feels right.

Annnnyways today I took like a 25 mile bike ride. It was super nice.

So also I don't understand the show Made, all the kids are whiny bitches and quitters. Haha at least it makes rhe show funny.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

at a diner called 'the lunch bucket'

staring at a map of albania, writen in albanian.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

"Drink a 6 pack only way to relax, missed a meeting another relapse."

I have mixed emotions watching American Idol, kristen and I watched Idol.

What a nightmare but at time I miss her.

I haven't smoked in 5 days.