Friday, February 20, 2009

if you watch jaws backwards...'s a movie about a shark throwing up people until they have to open a beach.

If you watch Heroes backwards you realize that it's been getting progressively better over time.

If you watch Friends backwards, Courtney Cox seems to get older somehow. I think it's the hair.

If you watch Rambo backwards, it's Sylvester Stallone healing people with his magical bullet vacuum.

If you watch Fight Club backwards, you see Ed Norton turn from a crazy streetperson into a successful productive member of society.

If you watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy backwards, it's a saga about a little guy who gets a cool ring from a volcano and spends the rest of the films walking home.

If you watch the 1997 version of Episode IV backwards, Greedo shoots first.

If you watch the entire series backwards, George Lucas develops into a brilliant writer.

If you watch American History X backwards, you see Ed Norton turn from a successful productive member of society into a crazy streetperson.

If you watch Benjamin Button backwards, some kid grows old and dies.

- By getting sucked into a vagina?
-- He went to heaven, obviously.

If you watch the credit crisis backwards, you'll notice that the banks eventually tell people they need good credit to mortgage a home.

- And if you watch American history backwards, people learn from their mistakes, and eventually respect the planet and get along with each other, living in peace.

If you make time goes backwards: a) Christmas is about some dick who comes down your chimney and steals all your presents, b) Hitler was the greatest guy in the world. He rescued millions of Jews from gas chambers..that he created. Actually this makes no sense.

- No, it works. Hitler rescues the Jews from the gas chambers then tears them down. Satisfied with his work he takes up painting.

- It's better than that. He dug up Jews from mass graves, put them to chambers where the magical gas put them back to life.

-- And let's not forget the trains. He shipped all of these Jews back to their homes. And all the germans fixed their windows by some sort of magical stone extraction process. These Germans wore T-shirts with: "I magically materialised whole planes of glass and all I got was this rock shoved into my hands.

If you watched Requiem For A Dream backwards you'd be able to sleep that night.

When you watch Requiem for a Dream backwards you realize how well heroine works to get your friend out of jail, makes your girlfriend quit prostitution, cures your mother, and grows your arm back, bringing an entire family together. That's powerful stuff.

- Plus, "ass-to-ass" backwards is still "ass-to-ass.