Thursday, September 25, 2008

I got my new bike, I'll post some pics later. I feel really happy today, I really do. My recording is coming along nicely.

I played an open mic night last night and got a really warm reception, a LOT of people said a lot of really nice things, which makes me think that people really dig my songs and that maybe, just maybe I can make something out of myself.

That's all I'm willing to give away right now. Maybe you'll be seeing me on the corner of vanderbilt beach road...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I've gained about 15 pounds since my break up, stress eating and stress drinking, to excess. I feel awful and I hate who I am right now.

I can't take it.

I need to make a huge change. I don't know what to do.

Lord help me.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

So, my life is a fucking joke. Everything happens in extremes, just when I start seriously toying with the possibility of moving a girl in St. Pete says that I can move into her house and live there...

I get a sweet oppournity to work in a brand new whole foods in Naples, which sounds very tempting and...

A friend of mine says "i've got an open room in my Apt in Brooklyn, how soon can you get here?"

WHAT THE FUCK. There is no ebb and flow in my life, there is only full blast tidal waves and bone dry seasons.


Blogger and friends, what should I do?
i hearby retract my ftw from my last post. the continental breakfast blew ass. yogurt on ice and hard boiled fucking eggs.

oh and fox news was being particularly racist and insensitive on tv this morning.

two flat tires and now im officially GRUMPY.
Tonight was really fun and I also enjoyed every person that I interaceted with tonught. New people I'm meeting are so amazing.

I have been thinking about moving, maybe south. I have no idea, but it seems like a good idea.

There are cute girls everywhere here, but that's not a contributing factor, anyways.

Time to go to bed to get up in time for the breakfast buffet. ftw.

Monday, September 15, 2008

So about a week ago I posted on Livejournal(I know, I know, I'm not a teenager anymore) about my dissatisfaction with the music industry and how good music is marketed to certain people and not to others. you can read the whole thing here!

My great friend Erin Solari responded with some great words that I took as a revelation.

Here's my favorite parts...

Also, the music industry as well as every industry under the sun is going through a huge change. A very sharp turn towards the future, if you will. (check out the book: "the world is flat"... it will open your eyes) What this change is doing in regards to the music industry is killing the tangible unit that is "the record". Discs will never be completely gone, but they are soon to be as obsolete as vinyl.

A commodity, another piece of music paraphernalia like a sticker or button or t-shirt. This is the sad truth about our days of spending hours in the local independent record store exploring new music and coming home with your stereo feed for the next month or so. (The Get Up kids' "something to write home about" stayed in there for like 2 months straight! never left once i swear).
But the good news is: what this means for today's over-saturated market is that it's a) cutting out the middle man that is "the record label". we no longer need the funds or the approval of a label to be successful. b) even tho myspace and such make it easier to bombard consumers with their sounds, the real money-maker and true test of an artist's success perseverance will ultimately be touring.

Fans are tired of the same over-produced/ compressed bullshit. You've got bands out there giving music away. People don't mind paying 99 cents a song, but they want more and more for their money. Hence the importance of the performance and touring. So with the economy and gas prices they way they are, my favorite part about "b" is that it is going to weed out the crap that shows up in your town. More quality music, higher quality performances, less filler means more people will come out to shows and it will be an awesome experience again and everybody wins.

In every market, the corporation is getting broken and the individual is being empowered. Between youtube and myspace, there is no reason why anyone should be oppressed by the preverbal "man". Man, i love the future. ha.

This struck a major chord in me, seeing as how I'm trying to "break" into the music industry myself.

A few weeks ago I came to terms with the fact that I'm willing to do whatever it takes, give up whatever I have to to achieve my goals. I don't need to bow to the corporate assholes to get a record made and I can and will find acceptance without selling my soul.

My ep should be finished in the next two weeks, and I couldn't be more excited to share it with everyone.

Also, here's a recent picture of me ;)

Saturday, September 13, 2008

The music that I make is cathartic in a way that when I play the guitar and sing the song I'm there again and living it. Sometimes in a negative way, such as if I sing a song about loving Kristen, now I sing it with more emotion and everything I say only helps me to get past what I'm feeling, but in an odd way re-opens the wounds and makes it fresh all over again.

So in a way, there is no catharsis.

But the music stays fresh, and to quote Feist, "I feel it all".

I force myself to believe that It'll all turn around soon.

Friday, September 12, 2008

I am exhausted from my trip, more so mentally than physically, but physically also.

I had a lot of fun, and i've got some pictures, hilarious ones.

umm, I also realized that I REALLY need to move, somewhere other than here fast. Probably St.Pete or Tampa, so that i can continue to work for whole foods. Every time I even see kristen i get sick, which can't be good for my health.

I really feel crazy(but in a good, artistic(lol) way).

Dinner, pics, then copious compulsive consumption of alcohol.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Besides feeling that I'm having withdraws, I also feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. No matter how much exercise I get I have this crazy nervous energy where I feel sick all the time. I don't know what is contributing to my neurosis, or if the neurosis itself is the cause.

"There are many different specific forms of neurosis: pyromania, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety neurosis, hysteria (in which anxiety may be discharged through a physical symptom), and an endless variety of phobias. According to Dr. George Boeree, effects of neurosis can involve:

...anxiety, sadness or depression, anger, irritability, mental confusion, low sense of self-worth, etc., behavioral symptoms such as phobic avoidance, vigilance, impulsive and compulsive acts, lethargy, etc., cognitive problems such as unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, repetition of thoughts and obsession, habitual fantasizing, negativity and cynicism, etc. Interpersonally, neurosis involves dependency, aggressiveness, perfectionism, schizoid isolation, socio-culturally inappropriate behaviors, etc."

Interesting, I've emboldened the ones that apply to me.

I obsess about my weight, counting every calorie, then binge on something bad and feel bad about it. Exercise regularly, drink heavily, then try and stop. My stomach is constantly upset. I worry about what others are doing on the internet... ugh could someone I know have updated some information about them, there are blogs that I haven't read yet, ctrl r, F5.

Are trained assassins trying to kill me in my sleep? I won't sleep then. This is why I own a gun.

I need to get this recording done, I have to record these songs, I need to have a good cry. I just want to play music forever and ever and not worry about anything else. I will not worry about anything else. Sometime I break into tears because i really want to drink but I can't allow myself to consume the calories.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

So tomorrow my ex-fiancee's new boyfriend, whom she met on the internet moves here from Seattle to live with her and her family. The guy is moving across country to be with a(clinically depressed/bi-polar/insane) girl he met on the internet.

I don't know how to feel about this, besides the general shock and awe.

So I do what i think is right, and i get drunk and I write songs, and i dream about being a guy who can get drunk and sing songs for people. This is actually something I've been thinking/planning/scheming about for a while now. Some people have talent and make it big and some people want it more than others and make it happen. I'm going to make it happen.

Unfortunately OLD Dashboard Confessional helps.

I'll be okay eventually.