Thursday, September 4, 2008

Besides feeling that I'm having withdraws, I also feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. No matter how much exercise I get I have this crazy nervous energy where I feel sick all the time. I don't know what is contributing to my neurosis, or if the neurosis itself is the cause.

"There are many different specific forms of neurosis: pyromania, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety neurosis, hysteria (in which anxiety may be discharged through a physical symptom), and an endless variety of phobias. According to Dr. George Boeree, effects of neurosis can involve:

...anxiety, sadness or depression, anger, irritability, mental confusion, low sense of self-worth, etc., behavioral symptoms such as phobic avoidance, vigilance, impulsive and compulsive acts, lethargy, etc., cognitive problems such as unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, repetition of thoughts and obsession, habitual fantasizing, negativity and cynicism, etc. Interpersonally, neurosis involves dependency, aggressiveness, perfectionism, schizoid isolation, socio-culturally inappropriate behaviors, etc."

Interesting, I've emboldened the ones that apply to me.

I obsess about my weight, counting every calorie, then binge on something bad and feel bad about it. Exercise regularly, drink heavily, then try and stop. My stomach is constantly upset. I worry about what others are doing on the internet... ugh could someone I know have updated some information about them, there are blogs that I haven't read yet, ctrl r, F5.

Are trained assassins trying to kill me in my sleep? I won't sleep then. This is why I own a gun.

I need to get this recording done, I have to record these songs, I need to have a good cry. I just want to play music forever and ever and not worry about anything else. I will not worry about anything else. Sometime I break into tears because i really want to drink but I can't allow myself to consume the calories.