Thursday, March 12, 2009

I can't say that I feel pathetic, because I don't. But I do wonder if I'm judged because of my inaction. If, for some reason people think ill of me because if not taking action, when they know that I want to take action, but don't.

I present an air of indifference, where I can't be bothered by anything, when really everything gets under my skin, everything to me is personal, every issue is a sensitive one. To the point where I know that I should move out of florida, but wonder how I could ever truly function outside of the state that is florida.

I can't bring myself to leave the place where I did so little, and left so much undone.

I've been mulling over this idea in my mind, one of accepting the fact that I'm not a well adjusted person, I don't "Fit in". Facing the fact that all my idiosyncrasies are not cute, and not well received by those in my daily life. Thinking that, perhaps I am incapable of falling in love or making anyone happy, regardless of how badly I want to do both.

This is why to people like me(if for one instance I may lump myself into the realm of the "artist") the tragedy is so appealing. It's so simple and void of normalcy.

Dying young is so much easier than struggling to and becoming successful later in life.

Lazy, that's all it comes down to.

Of course I can't help but ALWAYS coming back to the fact that I don't have money, and if I did none of this would matter, in my mind money does solve everything, which is why the poor play the lottery, and the rich just lecture about frugality.