Saturday, December 6, 2008

You know not to keep doting on this whole floridaImisshomepityme thing, but I really think it's the south in general, that I love. I just want to live in a southern beach town, or in the south in general. I could see myself living in Tuscaloosa Alabama, or say Charleston South Carolina, Gainesville obviously, hell even Valdosta Georgia. I just like the south, sue me.

Also, I honestly hate being sober, I know that I have a problem, like that I am an alcoholic I know it. But the shitty part is that when I'm sober I can't sleep, like at all. I also get paranoid, and I become obsessive and moreover compulsive. I'll clean things repeatedly for weeks and then live in total squalor for a month. I'll drink over 100oz of water a hour and chew ice in a really weird way, I chain smoke. These are not exaggerations.

When I drink I can fuckin' relax and just let life go by instead of being all pissy about stupid shit like what I want to do with my life.

You could say, "oh michael, when you drink you're just not facing your problems...that's why you like it" but that's not the truth. When I'm drunk I face shit, I just don't take it so personally and I'll let things slide. I'm just tired of being either sober and fucking crazy(read back a few monthsago, or drunk and hating myself for being drunk.

Isn't there a happy medium... say sober and hating myself, like normal people?