I guess I should also mention music in all of this. My deep, deep love for almost all music. I can see the "good" of beauty in almost all forms or genres of music.

It's the trigger for many varieties of happiness and sorrow in my life. If I'm feeling down and sad I'll put on Spinnaker, Jon Caswell's band, and my only closest friend in the whole world. He's one of only maybe 3 people(none of them are family members) I would do anything for, anything. All he needs to do is ask. Just not I got sad and spaced out for a moment thinking about him.

Why can I make such a connection to music(and incidentally) the past, but can't make human connections?

Why can I write entire novels about longing and relationships yet I'm not able to forge these relationships? I write songs of the same nature.

I think I write it all down because I can want it, I can think it, but I can't actually feel it. And the act of trying to fill that void comes across nicely in the artistic process.