Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I'm not sure if I can quite express my dissatisfaction with myself.

I'm extremely unhappy that my body doesn't metabolize food the way that other people I know do. Some people can eat anything they want and not gain a pound and I on the other hand have to control and micro manage my diet to avoid gaining weight.

I'm bummed that I don't have money. Even a significant amount like say, 1,000 dollars saved. Some people can just go anywhere and do and or buy anything. And I can't. I've always been poor. Why would god or whoever provide a desire for something and not provide the means?

There are certain people from my "circle of friends" that I know who I'm jealous of because of their good looks. One person in particular.

The bigger question I think is why do I perceive myself to be inadequate in almost every way in comparison to my friends or to people that I know?

Why do I get on my bicycle and ride the streets debating with myself about getting a drink only to end up buying a 12 pack and working more than half way through it?

When will I be who I want to be?