I am now making a formal, albeit pathetic decision(via blog) to announce that after tonight, I am attempting to quit drinking alcohol.
I am an alcoholic and make poor decisions whilst drunk therefore making me fat and ashamed. This is straining the relationships that I currently have with friends and family and further jeopardizing future relationships with humans in the future.
I am afraid for my own safety at times fearing harm that I may cause myself or to others due to means that I wish not to post about.
I, at times am very strong, in some respects. I have given up a lot in my lifetime, alcohol unfortunately has a very strong grip on me.
I was sober once, for an extended period of time but it brought me to tears to give it up(picture Homer Simpson weeping over the fact that he's out of beer).
I do not expect this to be easy. As we all may know, I never make my own life easy, why would I? I revel in the struggle because I feel that in some sick way it adds meaning to life which probably has no real metaphysical meaning.
Further, I may end up being more reclusive as culture dictates that alcohol be involved in every aspect of social life.
There is so much that I want out of life and yes, most of these things are vain, self serving achievements or goals or objects and being a heavy drinker, although good at it does not factor into my vain goals of self image, status conquests or monetary acquirement.
I know, and truly believe that Messrs. Hemingway, Bukowski, Thompson are angered and saddened at my decision. And although I wish greatly to please these men I can not continue in my current lifestyle.
It's either quit this, or cease to exist, physically on this earth. Both options are viable and valid, but at this time, for now i choose to change. Or try to.
Thank you all for your concern, feigned or genuine, just the perception that someone cares means a lot to me, being as shallow as I am.